A Thousand Years Ago
by ReddTwilight
Summary: A thousand years ago, that's what the last three years felt like when I saw him again. The friendship we struck up in grad school had fizzled out to almost nothing, and I never expected to see him again. Until one Monday morning he was standing there ahead of me in line to get coffee.
1. Prologue: Encounter

**A/N: Just a quickie guys. So, I have been wracking my brain over this for days. About a week ago I finished reading **_**Something Borrowed**_** by Emily Giffin, and I had already seen the movie and thought it was really good. So I read the book and completely fell in love with the story, although I read some reviews that wouldn't agree with me. **

**That being said this story is inspired by both the book and film of **_**Something Borrowed**_**, so I take no credit for any similarities or parallels within. If you haven't seen the movie, see it, it will at the very least make you laugh if not fall in love. If you haven't read the book, I suggest it, and then the sequel as well **_**Something Blue**_**. **

**Again, I take no credit for any similarities and/or parallels in my story that go with **_**Something Borrowed**_**, those ideas belong entirely to author Emily Giffin. I also don't own Twilight. **

**And yes the title comes from the song "A Thousand Years" featured on the **_**Breaking Dawn**_** soundtracks.**

**But I am enjoying my very own cup of pumpkin coffee right now! **

**Cheers!**

**BPOV**

"I like your thesis proposal, Bella. I think it has great potential." My advisor, Dr. Brown told me. This was my first meeting with her and I wanted to make a good impression with the woman who would be guiding me for the next two years.

"Thank you. I've always been a fan of the classics, but I have some favorite contemporary novels as well, and I want to look at parallels between the two eras."

"You will have plenty of material to work with. This first year will focus on your classes, so you don't need to stress too much about getting your thesis researched as much, but I always encourage my students to never dawdle. Start your research and come up with a list of materials or ideas you want to seriously consider. Two weeks?" She asked, writing all of this down on a notepad.

"Two weeks," I confirmed, smiling proudly.

"I'll see you then, Bella."

I thanked Dr. Brown for her time and stood to leave. She asked me to send in the next student if I wouldn't mind.

"My turn?" A young man with the most brilliant copper hair asked me outside the door. I stuttered at first, unsure of what to say. I was struck by how handsome he was.

"Uh…yeah, your turn."

"Great," He smiled and moved past me into Dr. Brown's office. He had the whitest teeth I had ever seen. I stood there for a moment after he had left, listening to the muted voices inside the office. I think I heard him laugh. He had a nice laugh.

Later that afternoon I had my first graduate seminar class. I showed up early to get a decent seat and pulled out my notebook to start a research list for my thesis.

"That quite an eclectic mix."

I looked up from my list to see the same young man from this morning standing over me, smiling the same way he had been before.

"It's potential research material for my thesis." I explained.

"Interesting. Is anyone sitting here?" He indicated the seat next to mine.

"No, it's free."

"Great," He sat down and set his books in front of him. "My name is Edward, by the way."

"Bella," I offered. He extended his hand and I took it, shaking once. His skin was so soft and warm I didn't want to let go. But our hands disengaged a moment later. I instantly missed the connection.

Edward sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. I noticed the definition in his muscles and figured he must go to the gym, or play a sport at the very least.

"So, what do you expect to get out of this class?" He asked me.

"Well, it's a summary study of classic literature, so a lot. My thesis is going to look at a comparison between classic and contemporary literature."

"What kind of comparison?"

"Specifically?" Edward nodded at my confirmation. "I'm doing a study of Austen and how her work set the stage for modern romance and the feminine hero."

Edward's brows lifted and he nodded. "That sounds really interesting actually. Better than mine."

"What do you want to write about?" I asked, wanting to make conversation.

"How journalism has changed in the last century. I want to focus on everything from serious reporting to pop culture. I'm looking into periodicals that go back to the nineteenth century and focusing on bursts of interests that coincide with specific historical events."

"Wow, I really like that." I meant it.

"Thanks. It took forever to flesh out. I was afraid this morning that Dr. Brown would tell me its needs more development. But she told I'm good, so…" Edward shrugged and smiled at me. "So, where did you do your undergrad?"

"University of Washington. I'm from this tiny town called Forks."

"Sporks?" Edward teased, flashing his white teeth.

"No, not Sporks. Forks." I laughed quietly.

"What do you want to do with literature, Bella?" He asked next.

"Not entirely sure yet. But maybe be a novelist." I shrugged.

"Well, we have the next two years to really nail it all down."

I nodded, agreeing. I wasn't too concerned with where my degree was going to take me. I just wanted to finish it.

"Did Dr. Brown give you two weeks to get started as well?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, you?"

"Same. So, how about after this seminar we grab some dinner and camp out in the library for a couple of hours and see what kind of material we have to work with?"

I smiled brightly. "Sure, that sounds like a great idea."

That was the beginning of my crush on Edward Cullen.

And it never really ended.


	2. First Time

A/N: I am going to do my best to post on Polyvore some outfits and sets just to give this story another layer I have posted two sets for this chapter, so check out the link on my profile for my Polyvore. Also, I picked the theme song for this story. You can try and click the link on my profile. It if works, great! If it doesn't,let me in a review and I will make sure it works. Hope you all enjoy!

BPOV

Monday morning routine: shower, breakfast, coffee, and work. Currently I am on item three of my routine. After breakfast I walk three blocks to my favorite Starbucks for coffee and then I'm off to read books and offer my opinion on them. After grad school it took me a few months but I found a job as a book reviewer for an editorial company. My job is to read the manuscripts that come in, first three chapters only, and write up a report on them and review them. It sounds boring to most people I talk to about it, but I actually enjoy it. Rather, I did three years ago when I started. But in the past years, whenever I have put in for advancement my applications were always denied.

I worked my ass off for four years for my Bachelor's, and another two to achieve my Master's in comparative literature. I didn't work that hard to get stuck in a dead-end job. It gets frustrating after a while. I think I've proven myself enough at this point that I should at least be given a chance to try a higher position, at least temporarily.

At this point in my mental ranting I typically sigh and let out an exasperated breath. There's only so much I can do to change my position and then its up to God. Well, my boss. But he likes to think he's God. I dread having to hear his voice coming down the hall. He usually shouts when he's coming to see me and dump more work on my desk.

Upon entering the coffee shop I got on line and started to decide what I wanted this morning. Pumpkin had just come back for the autumn season. A skinny pumpkin latter sounded good this morning.

I looked up to see if I could make out what treats were available this morning and my eyes fell on a very familiar head of copper-colored hair. No one else I knew had hair that color.

But was it really him? Was it really Edward? I heard him laugh out loud. Yes, that was definitely him. I would never forget the sound of his laugh.

I drew my lower between my teeth and considered quitting for the next Starbucks only a couple blocks further. But then I watched him walk up to the counter, holding hands with a tall redhead. They stood close to each other, leaned in and kissed, and she let her hand drift up and down his back affectionately.

I listened to them order coffee. Edward got his usual cappuccino. She ordered some complicated chai concoction. He picked out his favorite morning treat, a blueberry muffin, and they paid and walked over to the pick-up counter.

They snuggled and kissed again as they waited. I didn't realized I was staring until I was asked politely to please move up in line. I ordered my pumpkin latte with skim milk and skipped a treat. I felt a little sick now.

I just wanted to make a quick escape and get to work. Even though right now I would be extremely early. The pick-up counter was empty as I walked over to wait. I purposely kept my eyes averted from the booth Edward and his girlfriend had taken over.

When my coffee was up I grabbed it, not even stopping to add some cinnamon as I usually do, and turned to leave.

"Isabella! Bella, is that you?"

I froze.

Damn, he saw me.

I turned with a smile in place. "Edward?" I asked, playing dumb.

He got up from the table and walked over wrapping me up in a huge hug. He still felt the same. Warm and comforting, and the same fragrance I had become practically obsessed with.

"Wow, it's been so long. Are you busy? Can you come sit?" He asked, indicating the table where his girlfriend sat staring at us.

Suddenly I recognized her as well. It was Charlotte, one of my coworkers.

_Fuck my life_, I cursed myself. I had no idea she was even dating.

"Actually, I need to get to work."

"Oh come on, you don't always have to be a goody-two-shoes, Bella, and get there extraordinarily early every day." Charlotte called out with a light laugh.

Edward gave me a curious look, but turned us toward the table and walked me over. He got into the booth first and I followed next to him.

"So how do you two know each other?" He asked pointing to Charlotte and myself.

"Bella's a level below me." Charlotte offered. Of course she would word it that way. Charlotte was one of the three junior editors. The position I had been turned down for, for two and a half years now.

I sipped my latte and kept quiet.

"How do _you_ know each other?" She asked, turning the question back on Edward and I.

"I've mentioned Bella before." Edward explained. "We met in grad school. We were research partners for our theses."

"Oh, right." Charlotte nodded. I was sure she knew the story, she was just trying to make it out that she conveniently forgot. That was part of her tactic at work if she didn't get something done. And for the most part it worked for her. Probably because our boss was infatuated with her and had fantasies of sleeping with her under the pretense that she was thankful for the leeway he gave her.

"So, what have you been up to, Bella?" Edward asked.

"Oh, this and that. I do initial review work on manuscripts."

"And that's when I take over." Charlotte interjected.

"What have you been up to?" I asked Edward in return, honestly wanting to know. But I wished we were alone so I could have a _real_ conversation with him. Like the ones we had back in grad school, full of deep thoughts and ideas, and debates.

"Mostly freelance article writing for a few magazines. Nothing too exciting." He shrugged nonchalantly and smiled.

"So that means you enjoy it."

"Immensely. I set my own hours and I don't have to write something if I don't want to. But I do have deadlines."

"Still, it must be nice to have that kind of freedom."

"It is," Edward confirmed.

"We should get going." Charlotte interrupted again just as I was about to ask Edward another question.

"We have time. Your parents aren't expecting us until ten."

"You're not coming in today?" I asked Charlotte.

"No, we're going to see my parents in Westchester to tell them the news."

I watched Edward give her a look that told her to shut the hell up. But she didn't. "We got in engaged last night." Charlotte gushed and thrust her left hand at me across the table.

"Oh, wow, congratulations." I offered with a big smile. I took her hand and examined the ring to be polite. But out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward looking frustrated. "It's beautiful, Charlotte. Um, I should probably get to work, and you two need to get going as well, so I won't hold you up." I gathered my black, leather tote for work and grabbed my coffee as I stood up.

"We don't have to leave now." Edward rushed out. "And I'm sure you don't have to be at work this early." He glanced at his watch. "It's only 8:30."

"I have a lot of work on my desk waiting for me. And there are only so many hours in the day to get it all done. It was really nice to see you again, Edward. I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Charlotte. Congratulations, again."

I smiled once more and turned to leave. I kept a straight face as I walked out the door of the coffee house and made it two blocks before I felt my eyes fill with water. My coffee went ignored the rest of the walk to work and by the time I sat down at my desk it was cold.

There's nothing worse than a cold pumpkin latte.

I managed to get through my entire workday without thinking about Edward and Charlotte. But I knew tomorrow was going to be a whole new kind of awkward when I saw Charlotte.

When I got home there were a few messages waiting for me on my machine, all from my best friend Alice asking why I wasn't responding to her texts. I knew she was just being a nag, that was typical Alice. But to be honest, I had been ignoring my cell phone all day long. I had no idea she had been trying to get in touch with me.

I picked up the phone and called her as I made a frozen pizza in the microwave for dinner. "Sorry, busy day." I told her when she picked up.

"It's ok. I was just being obnoxious." Alice giggled and rushed into a story about her day in the fashion studio she worked at. "So, what do you think?" She asked.

"About what?" I had missed half of what she said, caught up in old memories of grad school.

"Weren't you listening? Tomorrow night, me, you, drinks?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. That sounds great. I could use a few."

"You could use a lot, I'm sure. Your boss is a dick who won't promote you although you have clearly proven your value to the company. And I know for damn sure that you're ten times as smart as he is. You could be a senior editor in no time if he actually gave you a chance."

"Don't get me started on how much I hate my job, Alice."

"You don't hate your job, Bells, you hate your boss. There's a difference. I know you love what you do. It's the people you work under that are assholes."

"You're not kidding." I agreed, my thoughts shifting momentarily to Charlotte. She loved to patronize everyone under her. And I had a feeling she would only step it up a notch where I was concerned now. She acted like the chief editor, my boss's boss, when she clearly didn't have the intelligence to even be in the position she held.

I knew I sent her comprehensive, coherent reports on every manuscript, not to mention all other paperwork, and she would usually send a few back each time with her own notes. She frequently misspelled _a lot_, and it made me wonder if she actually went to college. I turned my mind away from thinking so degradingly about my coworker and focused again on the conversation I was having with Alice.

"Ok, so get off work early tomorrow and we can go shopping." Alice giggled again. Her laughter was infectious and I found myself smiling despite my shitty day.

"I'll do my best." I promised.

"Try your damned hardest. I don't care if you have fake having cramps, get out early. We need to find you a killer outfit that will attract a lot of attention because God knows you need to get laid."

Alice!" I spluttered, nearly choking on my pizza.

"What? How long has it been, Bella? Seriously? You need a hook up, ok?"

"I'm not like that, Alice, you know that. I want there to be meaning."

"Yes, fine. I get that. But sometimes you just need hot, nasty sex to make you feel better about life."

"Ok, I'm ending the call now, Alice. Good night."

"Good night, you prude. Love you."

"Love you, Alice." I hung up and threw the phone down on the couch with a chuckle. I loved my best dearly, but sometimes she was just too outspoken.

"What about this?" Alice asked holding up another dress. It was the fifth one she had asked me about.

"No, too flashy."

"You said that about every dress so far, Bella. We need to make a choice and get out of here."

I had not managed to get out, actually I got out really late thanks to Luke, my boss, asking to reorganize the computer filing system of our pasts reports and manuscripts we had on file. I think I shut my office door at 8pm.

Now I was with Alice at a small boutique trying to find the _perfect_ dress: nothing too flashy or conservative, but something that would show "the perfect amount of boob and thigh", to quote Alice. "You don't want to look like your asking for it, but you know you are."

I just rolled my eyes and picked up a cobalt blue drape dress. "I like this one."

Alice looked up and her eyes brightened. "Yes! Me, too. Go try it on, quick!" She shoved me toward the single fitting room and went off to find shoes for me.

The dress fit perfectly, and I as turned to look at myself in the mirror I realized it would function as a work dress as well. It was conservative enough that I could wear a nice sweater over it and be done. Dress sold.

Alice came back with a pair of black pumps embellished on the heel with ruffles. I actually liked them.

So what are you wearing?" I asked after I had paid and we were walking back to her apartment to change.

"This really nice purple body-con dress I picked up at the studio today. I found the perfect pumps to go with it, too. I'm so excited, we haven't gone out in ages. Oh, and I hope you don't mind if Jasper joins us. I promised him a date night."

"Of course I don't mind, I love Jasper. But how is it a date night if I'm the third wheel?"

"You're never a third wheel, Bella."

I just rolled my eyes. "So where are we going, bar or club?"

"Kind of a cross between the two."

"Sounds good,"

It was almost 9:30 by the time we got back to Alice's apartment. Jasper showed up just as we finished getting ready. I was applying the last little bit of makeup when he buzzed from downstairs. I answered and let him up since Alice was still curling her short hair the best she could.

"Does it look stupid?" She asked walking out of her bathroom holding the curling iron.

"No, leave it the way it is, that's perfect."

Because of her short pixie cut her hair refused to do anything but lie flat against her head. So that's how she typically styled it. But tonight she wanted to look special for Jasper and managed to get a gentle wave into her hair. She looked beautiful.

We all took the elevator downstairs, Alice and Jasper cuddling the same way I had seen Edward and Charlotte doing just yesterday. I watched them wistfully, wondering if I would ever have that with someone.

The established we were going to tonight wasn't too far of a walk from Alice's apartment, which was good considering the heels we were both sporting tonight. I always liked the way high heels sounded on the sidewalk, and I tended to stand taller and straighter when I wore them.

When we arrived Alice and I got a table while Jasper grabbed us some drinks from the bar. I looked around taking in the atmosphere. It was trendy, sophisticated, and uncluttered. I liked it a lot. I could see Alice and I coming back here in the future.

I let my eyes drift to the back and noticed the area cleared for a dance floor. A group of guys was hanging around some high tables talking and laughing. My eyes nearly bugged out when I recognized Edward. He was sipping a Heineken and nodding to something one of the guys had just said. I didn't see Charlotte anywhere in sight. Guys' night.

I turned my attention back to Alice as she me if I wanted to dance a little while we waited for Jasper to come back. I glanced at the bar. It was a little busy, so he could be up there for a few minutes more.

"Sure, lets go."

Alice hopped up and grabbed my hand dragging me over to the dance floor. I felt the eyes of every guy in that group on us as we started moving. I didn't agree because I wanted Edward to watch me. I got up to dance with Alice because she was my best friend and damn it, I wanted to have a good time tonight.

We laughed as we moved together to the pulsing music, ignoring the stares from the guys not too far away. Even without alcohol so far I felt light and relaxed. Really, all it took sometimes was Alice dragging me out of my apartment.

When the music switched to something slower we went back over to the table. I chanced a glance at the group of guys. Edward wasn't there. Had he left before we started dancing?

Jasper arrived with two martinis and a beer for himself just as Alice and I sat back down. "You two certainly know how to attract attention." He commented as he sipped his Stella.

"That wasn't the intention. And even if it was, I wouldn't let anyone near Alice. We don't need broken noses, Jazz." I teased. He was territorial sometimes depending on the venue we were in. This was a place where he would have eyes on Alice the entire time.

Alice reached over and patted Jasper's arm. "It's ok, baby. I know how to look after myself."

I snorted into my martini. Up until about two months ago Alice was calling me to ask me how to make macaroni and cheese in the microwave. Since she and Jasper started dating he had been given that lovely honor. He was much more patient with Alice than I sometimes was. I suspected it was because he was madly in love with her. I was happy for them both. They deserved the joy they brought to each other's lives.

I smiled and sipped my martini, eyeing the same group of guys over the rim. Edward was back, listening to something one of his friends was saying. He looked over at Alice and I, and Edward's eyes followed. I looked down quickly, but I knew it was too late. He had seen me. And now I could feel his gaze burning into my downturned face.

I didn't dare look up. I couldn't. I couldn't look into his eyes and not feel everything I had been trying to keep down for the last thirty-six hours. Edward had moved on after graduation. We fell out of touch, and he found someone. He was engaged. He was gone. I couldn't go down that road.

But what was I supposed to do?

"I'm going to get us some shots." I announced as I rose from the booth. Alice and Jasper looked up, surprised by my offer.

"Are you feeling ok?" Alice asked.

"Great, just great. I think we need to celebrate."

"What, your celibacy?" Alice teased.

"Stop guzzling the vodka, Alice." I told her and whisked off to the bar for six shots of tequila.

About an hour later I was laughing, stuttering mess. I was still aware of my surroundings, but I could care less now if Edward was still here, his gaze glued to me. Alice was getting a kick out of drunken Bella, I knew she was. She laughed at my hideous outbursts and attempts to be cognizant.

"I want to get up and dance again." I told her.

"Ok, lets go. You need to burn some alcohol off, anyway."

Alice had had about as much to drink as I had. But when I told her to stop guzzling the vodka, she had actually listened. And instead, I started tossing it back like it was water.

I gyrated now, moving to the beat of the music. I felt so much more relaxed and free with the alcohol. I was having a great time with my best friend. I didn't need anything else.

The music changed to another slow rhythm, and Japer appeared out of nowhere, twirling Alice away to dance with her. I was left alone, shifting awkwardly on my feet with the other couples drifting past me.

But then I felt an arm catch me around my waist and a hand take mine leading me back out to the dance floor. I looked up into the same green eyes that had been plaguing my thoughts for years.

"Hey," Edward said softly as he moved us back and forth.

"Hey," I frowned, looking away from his gaze.

"I never knew you were so wild." He teased, flashing me his trademark smile. It still made my knees weak.

"I'm usually not. I'm just trying not to think."

His eyebrows furrowed but he didn't question me. "I'm sorry about Charlotte yesterday. I didn't want her to leap into it like that."

"It's ok, I know she likes to show off a little."

"A little?" Edward asked, sounding amused. "Never mind. I came out here to rescue you. You looked a little lonely."

"I was fine, but thank you for not leaving a girl stranded on the dance floor."

"I'm nothing if not a gentleman."

"I remember. It's one of the reasons I had such a crush on you."

"You did?" He asked, sounding surprised now.

"Oh come on, Edward. Wasn't it obvious?"

"Not to me."

I noticed we had stopped dancing and he had let me go. He was looking at me now with the strangest expression. Was it regret? I couldn't make it out. But I knew I just made a huge mistake. I never should have said what I just did. He didn't need to know about that. He was an engaged man.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I don't know why I said that. Um, I should go." I rushed away from the dance floor. I grabbed my clutch from the table, leaving a wad of bills to cover my part of the tab, and ran out of the bar.

Cold air hit me once I was outside and I instantly regretted not bringing a sweater with me tonight. But it cleared my head and allowed me to process what had just transpired inside.

I had allowed myself to finally say the words that had been haunting me since that first day we met.

I never should have revealed myself like that to Edward. It wasn't like telling him was going to suddenly change his mind and make him leave Charlotte. Why would he want me when he had someone like her?

I started to walk in the direction of my apartment, knowing it was long journey. I didn't care.

"Bella, wait!"

I turned to see Edward rushing out of the bar. He looked worried, like he thought he had actually lost me. It confused me. He started walking over to me.

"Edward, look, what I said inside…I shouldn't have said it. I never should have told you…"

But I was silenced as Edward took my face in his hands and he pressed his lips against mine. When we parted I wasn't the only one breathing heavily. I leaned up closing the space between us, not thinking and not caring. He felt too good. How many times had I dreamed about a moment like this? Consequences be damned, I wasn't to going to pass up this opportunity knowing I may never get a chance again to really show him how I felt.

How I _still_ feel.

_What a great dream_, I thought to myself as I woke the following morning. I must have pulled that back from the deep recesses of my mind. Fantasies I had suppressed for years now.

I let my eyes open slowly to the blinding sunlight that spilled into my bedroom. My head ached slightly from the amount of alcohol I had consumed the previous evening and I turned so I could grab the small bottle of Tylenol I kept on my nightstand for such occasions.

But I was met with another body next to mine. Edward was still passed out, naked beneath my white sheets, his bright copper hair sticking up in every direction.

"Oh my God, what did I do?" I whispered, horrified.


	3. Mistake

**A/N: Second theme song for this story. I'm not putting up a link for this one because I think it's fairly easy to find. The song is "As Long As Your Mine" from the musical _Wicked_. If you haven't seen it yet, spend the money on a ticket and go see it. And Download the album while you're at it. ;)**

**I posted two sets for chapter 1 on Polyvore. So head on over to my profile and click the link for my Polyvore to check them out!**

**I don't own _Twilight_ or _Something Borrowed_**

EPOV

"Oh my God, what did I do?"

I opened my eyes slowly to see Bella lying next to me.

_What the hell? _

She looked horrified, holding the sheet up so that half of her face was hidden. I suddenly realized what had happened and reached for my cell phone. But I couldn't find it.

As if on cue I heard the ringer start going off. Somewhere.

"Shit," I cursed and unfolded myself from Bella's comforter and began frantically searching for my jeans. "Oh my God, fifteen missed calls." I gasped staring at my phone after I dug it out of the back pocket of my discarded jeans.

"Oh my God," Bella hissed as she sat up drawing her knees to her chest. She buried her face in them for a moment and then glanced up at me. "Oh my God, you're naked!" And she buried her face again.

I grabbed my boxers and jeans off the floor and hastily pulled them on. My cell started going off again as I was looking for my shirt. Bella picked her head up looking at me.

"It's Charlotte." I stated.

"Oh God!" Bella jumped up from her bed and grabbed her robe, throwing it on and belted it tightly around her waist. She grabbed her head and ran her fingers through her hair a few times. Something I often did when I was stressing. She looked up at me with the same horrified expression. "What did I do?"

"It wasn't just you, Bella." I assured her as I continued to dress, ignoring my phone as it started ringing again.

Bella sat down on her bed holding her head in her hands. "This is terrible." She whispered, shaking her head.

"Bella," I started, but my phone rang once again. "Bella…" I glanced at my phone and then at the door. "I…I need to go." I rushed out. Not what I wanted to say, but I couldn't think clearly.

Bella nodded, feeling the same apprehension that I was. I checked that I had everything, including my shoes, and grabbed the knob on her apartment door. I turned back one more time. Bella was still sitting on her bed looking completely frightened. "I'm sorry, Bella." And I was apologizing for running out on her.

"It's ok. I understand." She whispered.

My phone went off again and I sighed in frustration, closing my eyes. "I'll call you." I promised, and rushed out of her apartment.

I rushed back to my apartment, knowing Charlotte wouldn't be there. She had called from her own home number, so it was a safe bet that at this moment she wasn't hanging around outside my apartment.

Luckily I was right, and managed to get changed before she called me again.

"Where the hell have you been?" Charlotte accused loudly over the phone.

"I'm sorry, I stayed out late with the guys last night and crashed on Emmett's couch. I just got home."

"It's almost nine in the morning. Do you know how worried I've been?"

_No, not really. You were probably more concerned about whether or not I was cheating on you. _

I caught myself and stopped before I could vocalize that thought. No good could come from this line of thinking.

"I'm sorry I worried you, Charlotte." There, that was safe enough. For now. "I should have at least texted you last night to let you know what was going on, but…I forgot. I'm sorry,"

"It's ok, baby." Charlotte cooed at me. I hated when she did that. "As long you're ok. Will I see you for lunch later?" She asked, sounding hopeful again.

"Yes, of course. Let me know what time and I will be there."

"Great. I'll see you later. I love you, Edward."

"Love you, too, Charlotte." I muttered. I hung up when I heard the other end go dead.

Wait. Crap. I had just agreed to go over to Charlotte's job to meet her for lunch. And that meant Bella would be there. I usually waited downstairs for her in the lobby, but today she had insisted I come up and get here. Probably so she could flash her ring around the office some more.

But would Bella actually be there? If she were absent from work, would Charlotte possibly put one and one together and think I was with Bella last night? No. Would she? I couldn't take that chance. I would have to call Bella.

But first I had to find her number. I had saved it back in grad school and then transferred the contact information to every new phone I had gotten since then.

I scrolled through my contact list looking for Bella, Isabella…nothing. But then I found her under 'S'. I had saved her last name as well and that was how it been sorted in my current phone.

"Hello?" Bella answered on the first ring, clearly my name hadn't come up in her caller ID. Did that mean she had gotten rid of my number? I would think about that later.

"Hey, it's Edward. I was just calling to make sure you were ok." And I was. Despite my fear about Charlotte, I really was concerned about Bella. Her attitude this morning had left me worried that she wasn't all right.

"Hi. Um…I'm fine. I just got into work. I had to rush."

"Oh, ok. Uh…look. Charlotte wants me to come by later and pick her up for lunch."

"Ok,"

"She wants me to actually come upstairs to her office. I just want to make sure you're ok…"

"I'm not going to start acting weird if you're worried about that, Edward. I have better control over my emotions than that." She sounded strong and confident as she spoke, so I didn't worry that she was just trying to put on a brave face for me over the phone.

"Ok. I just wanted to make sure."

"Have a good time at lunch, Edward. I need to get to work."

"Ok. Bella…" I tried to catch her one last time but the line had gone dead.

Maybe she wasn't as strong as she wanted me to believe.

When I arrived at Charlotte's office she got up from her desk and greeted me like it was a surprise that I had come by. I knew Charlotte was one of those girls where life was all about the image, but she was fun, and even witty on occasion. I enjoyed her company, and I liked how light she made me feel at times when I was being too serious. We balanced each other well.

But it had started out much stronger than that. We had been together almost three years now, and in the beginning we couldn't stand to be away from each other. She was the center of my world, and I still considered her to be or I wouldn't be marrying her.

But recently there were some pet peeves of hers that were beginning to grate on my nerves a bit. Like her obsession with image. She couldn't just live life and not worry about what other people thought when they saw her. So she took an exorbitant amount of time to get ready, often causing us to be late to many events or parties. Every outfit was planned in advance down to the minutest detail. Like hem length.

Maybe it was a female thing, but I wasn't going to generalize. But Charlotte looked nice today in the dress she had picked out and I told her so when I kissed her in greeting.

"So, you don't mind if we go walk around the office and talk a couple first, do you?"

Ding! Ding! Ding! I was right. I hate it when I'm right.

"No, not at all. I know I haven't had the chance to meet all of your coworkers yet, so please, lead the way." I held her office door open for her. My mother had raised me to always be a gentleman. Open doors, offer my hand to help a woman from the car, always offer my seat to a lady who is standing.

I prided myself on that part of me. My mother raised me right, damn it.

Charlotte led me around to several other offices and some cubicles, introducing me and flashing her ring. Having just happened, most of her colleagues didn't know yet that we had gotten engaged, and all of the women gushed over the diamond on Charlotte's left hand. She loved every moment of the attention.

Finally she announced that we were going for lunch and let her senior editor know that she would be back in one hour. I'm sure she hardly ever checked in with him like that, and was only doing it to appear responsible. Once again, all about image.

We had a favorite little Italian deli up a few blocks from her building and walked hand-in-hand.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" Charlotte asked. I held the door to the deli open for her. She picked a table in the middle of the room and I pulled her chair out for her as well.

"No, it wasn't." I agreed. "What are you in the mood for today?" I asked out of politeness, she got the same thing every time.

"Just a small chicken Caesar salad is fine. Very light on the dressing."

"And water?"

"With a slice of lemon."

I went up to the counter and ordered our food. I got a bowl of Italian Wedding soup with a half Caprese sandwich.

Our food was up quickly and I carried it back over to the table. Charlotte pushed her salad around while I started to eat my soup while it was hot.

"So where did you go out last night?" She asked eating one small lettuce leaf at a time.

"Just this little bar not too far form my apartment. It's fairly new and the guys wanted to check out the scene. We had a good time. But like I said, I drank a lot and crashed on Emmett's couch. He only lives a block away."

"From the bar?"

"Yes,"

I had though ahead and called Emmett to let him know about the story in case Charlotte tried to contact him. I didn't think she would, but she had been acting really paranoid lately whenever I told her I was going out with my friends. She always assumed I was cheating on her, which was never the case.

_Well, until last night at least._ I thought about dancing with Bella and the way she had felt in my arms. The way she smelled. And then when I had kissed her…I hadn't been as drunk as I was leading Charlotte to believe. I knew exactly what I had been doing.

"Hello, are you in there, Edward?" Charlotte asked, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Yes, sorry. I zoned out."

"I noticed. So, my parents want to put our engagement announcement in the paper. How would you feel about that?"

"I don't really think its necessary."

"I though you would say that. And that's what I told them. But I asked if they would be all right with celebrating with the family instead."

"Well, wasn't that going to happen anyway?"

"I didn't want to have a family engagement party, just our friends and us. But my mom wants to make a huge deal out of it. Like with everything else."

_That explains where you get it from, _I thought to myself with a snarky tone.

"I would rather attend a party with your family then to have an announcement in the paper."

"I will let my mom know, then. That was easy to figure out." Charlotte grinned brightly and took a bigger bite of salad.

I returned her smile, but tightly, and focused my attention on my lunch.

After I returned Charlotte to work, thankfully without bumping into Bella, I ran home and picked up my apartment. Charlotte was now coming over for dinner tonight, and I knew she hated it when she walked in and my writing was all over the place.

But that was how I worked, all spread out. It's how I always worked. Bella was sort of the same way. In grad school whenever we were in the library together we always took up a whole table with our notebooks, papers, and whatever texts we were reading at the time. We could never contain ourselves to just one half of the table.

And that had worked well for us.

After I had everything straightened up I made a quick grocery list for the items I would need for dinner and ran out again.

I had a favorite shopping site because they always featured fresh meats and produce. I wanted to make fish tonight since I was in the mood for it, but I knew Charlotte only ate certain types. So I picked up two sea bass fillets and the ingredients to make it her favorite way.

I got on line to check out and noticed a familiar figure ahead of me. I reached up and tapped Bella on her shoulder. She turned around looking startled, but her grinned soon matched mine when she recognized me.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Shopping, duh." I teased her.

"I see that. What are shopping for?"

I showed her the contents of my basket. "Fancy, having company?"

"Charlotte is coming over for dinner. She wants to start talking about the wedding."

Bella's eyebrows went up. "Wow, you just got engaged two days ago. She doesn't waste time, does she?"

"Can we talk?" I asked more quietly as we moved up in line together.

"What's there to talk about, Edward?" She whispered back. "It was an accident…a mistake. It won't happen again." She made it sound so final.

"Yeah…I guess you're right."

Bella moved up and quickly paid for her items, a couple frozen meals, and the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. She looked back at me as she walked out of the store. She appeared uncertain, and stopped for a moment as though she wanted to say something, but then turned and walked out.

I paid and left a minute later and was surprised to see Bella waiting outside the store.

"Why did you kiss me?" She asked as we started walking back in the direction of our separate apartments. "No, you know what? No…don't answer that."

"What if I want to?"

"No, really. Please don't answer me."

"Ok," I know I sounded uncertain, but that was because I _was_ uncertain. Was Bella intentionally being conflicting with the situation, or was she just as confused as I was?

"It was a long day for me yesterday, and I was feeling lonely because I was the third wheel last night with Alice and Japer, and we were both drunk."

"I wasn't that drunk." I stated. Bella stopped walking and stared me down. "I wasn't that drunk, Bella." I repeated to her.

She opened her mouth to say something but shut it. "We really shouldn't be talking about this anymore. It happened, it was a mistake…it's in the past now."

"Is that how you really feel? That it was a mistake?" I asked, staring her down. The look in her eyes told me she felt exactly the opposite about last night.

"We can't do this, Edward. I…I have to go." She broke away from my gaze and walked away up the street. I stood standing there watching her disappear into the throng of people around us, my heart beating fast in my chest.

I remember the same feeling from when Bella and I were I grad school. Being with her had made my heart beat faster then, too.


	4. Seeing Reason

**A/N: So it may seem confusing that Edward still has feelings for Bella and kept her number, but never reached out. Future EPOVs will explain that. Also, does he really love Charlotte? I will tell you that at this point in the story, yes he still loves her. But she's not supposed to be a likeable character. So yes, it will seem confusing sometimes, and like Edward is being a jerk, or Bella is being too self-sacrificing, but that is the story.**

**I do not own **_**Twilight**_** or **_**Something Borrowed**_

**BPOV**

What the hell was I thinking waiting for him outside the store? I should have just walked home as soon as I left. But no. I stood out there waiting for him because I needed to know what happened last night that made him kiss me. And then I chickened out and told him to not answer me.

I tried to come up with some lame excuse for why we did it. We were both really drunk, and combine that with dancing…well. I've known hormones to get a little wild.

But then Edward stated that he wasn't that drunk.

Was he lying?

Or had he been fully aware the entire time of what he was doing?

If he was, it meant he had kissed me of his own volition because he had _wanted_ to. He _wanted_ to kiss me.

But why?

He just got engaged. Did he not love Charlotte? Or was he just confused because I was suddenly back in the picture, no matter how briefly?

I have been going to that particular Starbucks for over a year now. Since it opened on that block closer to my apartment. I could get my coffee sooner instead of walking another three blocks out of my way and having to leave earlier.

And then all of a sudden yesterday morning he was there. Had he been coming to the same coffee shop as I and I never noticed? Maybe he came later, after I left. He admitted that he did freelance writing, so it wasn't like he had a set schedule to be at work at a certain time in the morning.

Alice sat on the stairs outside my building waiting for me. She had a couple bottles of wine and a stack of DVDs in her overnight bag. I had called her this morning when I got to work, after I got off the phone with Edward, and told her everything that happened.

She promised to be over tonight with her "cure" as she called it, and told me to pick up pizzas and the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies on my way home. She asked if I could maybe even get out of work early, too. I clearly couldn't concentrate on anything.

Luckily I had been able to fake being sick enough with my pale complexion and got out of work around three. Marcus, the second junior editor I reported to, was still out on lunch, so I left a note with the office assistant that I was running a temperature and feeling nauseas. It wasn't too far from the truth. I _was_ feeling sick. I promised I would do my best to be in tomorrow.

It wouldn't be too hard tomorrow to call out if I needed, there was a stomach bug going around the office. I would just have to make sure to bring some work home with me so I didn't fall too far behind.

I grabbed a few manuscripts and stuffed them into my leather tote then made sure to lock the door on my closet of an office before I left.

Again, it was stupid of me to try and talk to Edward about what happened. I just had to forget about it.

And I would.

But it wasn't that easy.

Alice brought over all of our favorite chick movies and we sat up watching them, drinking wine and eating pizza and cookies. It was a perfect girls' night by all standards. Except for my meltdown right in the middle of it.

"What am I supposed to do?" I questioned out loud in the middle of _Harry Potter_. Not a chick flick, I know, but it was always going to hold a special place in my heart. And nothing cheered me up more than a bit of magic.

"What do you _want_?" Alice asked, turning the question back on me. "And don't give me a laundry list of reasons why you shouldn't even consider it. What do you _want_?"

"To forget." I muttered, sticking my spoon into the pint of Ben & Jerry's in my lap that was quickly melting. I twirled the semisoft ice cream around and pulled my spoon out to lick it clean before sticking it back in.

"You're a horrible liar, Bella Swan." Alice shook her head, a light laugh coloring her tone.

"I know."

"So just tell me, hon. What is it you _want_? Do you want him to leave Charlotte and come running to you?"

"No!" I exclaimed, surprising myself. I would never want Edward to jeopardize the relationship he was in. _But he's already done that anyway_. "I don't want to be his rebound."

"But if he's choosing you over Charlotte…?" Alice leaded.

"Don't, I can't think about this."

"You still haven't told me what it is that you want."

"I want to drop this conversation." I ate a spoonful of ice cream and failed dodging the pillow Alice threw at me.

"You want _him_. Just admit it."

"I want him…to be happy."

"Even if it's not with you?"

I looked up. "Yes, even if it's not with me. Because that's all I ever wanted."

"While that's admirable, Bella, you need to be completely truthful with yourself in this situation. You know he's going to reach out to you again. Hell, he knows where you get your coffee now."

"I'll just go to a different Starbucks."

"You won't. You know you won't, and I know you won't. We both know deep down you _want_ to see him again. You _want_ that opportunity to sit and talk with him. You _want _ him to tell you things. Maybe not things you want to hear, but you _want_ to see him again."

I paused, eating another bite of ice cream. Alice was waiting for my response. She was still staring at me when I looked over at her again. "I really hate it when you're right." I sighed.

I got up the following morning, determined to go to work. Alice was still asleep next to me in bed, curled up in a ball. I got up as quietly as possible so I didn't disturb her. I would shower first and then wake her if she wasn't up yet.

But when I came out of the bathroom, Alice had already risen and was making coffee. "I'm glad you're up." She smiled at me. "I like your determination."

"I'm going to stop and grab coffee on my way to work."

"Ok, this wasn't for you anyway." Alice smiled over the rim of the mug she was drinking from. I noticed she had made only enough for her. Smart little pixie.

I got dressed behind my Shoji screen, tossing my robe over the top. It had been a gift from my mom when I moved into my apartment three years ago. She had purchased it in Japan when she and my step-dad went there on a second honeymoon. She had it shipped back and put in storage until she gave it to me.

I loved it. It was made with dark wood and bamboo and the traditional _washi_ paper with a cherry blossom design across the front of it.

I chose a pinafore dress for today with a long-sleeve blouse underneath. It was simple, professional, and a comfortable. My three standards for any work environment dress. I made sure to get Alice's stamp of approval on my outfit before throwing on my coat and heading out. Alice was ready to go before I was and came with me. She made me swear to talk to Edward again by the end of the week and we went our separate ways.

I couldn't stop thinking what could happen once I got to the coffee shop. Would Edward be there with Charlotte again, getting coffee together before she went off to work? Would he be there alone? Would he even _be_ there?

I pulled open the door and walked inside, taking in the aroma buzz of fresh coffee, and sighed when I looked at the line. It was always like this at 8AM in the morning. Everyone on his or her morning commute stopping for the ritual caffeine fix. I was thinking a salted caramel latte this morning, something perky to put a little pep in my step.

"I like new flavors, but I always have the worst time deciding."

I knew his voice before I even turned around. Edward smiled at me when I turned over my shoulder to say 'good morning'. "Funny, meeting you here. What are you having? My treat."

He moved up a bit so we were standing next to each other. "No, thank you." I declined politely. "I have to get going as soon as I have it in my hand."

"So do I. I have a meeting with my editor this morning. Doesn't mean I can't treat you anyway."

I looked him up and down for the first time since he came in. He was wearing a clean-cut, gray suit and black shoes. No overcoat, despite the bite in the morning air. That had always been Edward, though. He didn't feel the cold. His hair was neatly brushed, but still doing its wild thing. He had shaved this morning and his chin and jaw looked so smooth. He smelled good, too. Fresh, musky, and crisp. I had forgotten how good he always smelled.

"You look nice." I told him, betraying my true feelings.

"So do you. So, what's your poison this morning?"

He wasn't giving up.

I sighed, for effect. "Skinny salted caramel latte."

"Mmm, that sounds good actually. Except for the skinny part."

When we got up to the counter Edward ordered two grande salted caramel lattes, skinny for me. While I came here often enough to know the coffee lingo, Edward used the mainstream word of 'medium', and it made me laugh. The barista knew what he meant regardless and wrote down the abbreviations for our drinks on the cups before passing them off and taking the customer behind us.

"Do you have a minute to sit and talk?" Edward asked as we waited for our drinks.

Of course, I always got up early enough to give myself at least a half hour of uninterrupted, Marcus-free time to make sure I didn't fall behind throughout the day.

I could spare that time for Edward today.

"Sure," I shrugged one shoulder.

"Good,"

We grabbed our coffees when they came up and sat at a table by one of the windows. I sipped my latte, closing my eyes for a moment to enjoy the taste.

"I'm wondering if we can talk about…"

"What happened?"

"Yes,"

I couldn't dwell on this forever. Better to get it over with sooner. Like ripping off a bandage. "What's there to talk about?"

"So much, Bella." Edward said, his eyes pleading.

"I mean realistically."

"So do I."

I sighed. "Edward, as much as this torments me…"

"It torments you?"

"Constantly,"

"Bella," Edward reached over and laid his hand on mine. "Torment is exactly the word I have been living since Tuesday night."

I pulled my hand away as easily as I could without seeming cold. "Edward, it doesn't matter. We can't do this."

"What are we doing right now, Bella? We're sitting, talking. Nothing scandalous. Stop making this moment, this moment right now, into something its not. Just talk with me. I need to know."

I looked up at him. "Need to know what?"

"How confused are you about this?"

"Extremely,"

"As am I. And I don't understand why. I get that it should seem easy to figure out. We made a mistake. Something that shouldn't have happened. But it did, and I can't stop thinking about it. Thinking about what you said. How you had had a crush on me."

I could see what he was trying to get at it. But I refused to let my heart rule my head. Edward was engaged. Just engaged. It didn't matter that I still had feelings for him, and that I was enjoying his company. What had happened between us couldn't happen again. I wouldn't let it. It wasn't fair to Charlotte, and it wasn't fair to Edward. He obviously chose her because he loved her. I wouldn't jeopardize his happiness.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was almost nine. I had to leave.

"Can we talk again?" Edward asked as I got up, gathering my bag.

"What more is there to say about this?"

"No, I mean just talk. You and me, something like this?"

I wanted to. I _really_ wanted to.

I missed his friendship. I missed the conversations we used to have. There was nothing wrong with two friends sitting down every so often to talk and have a cup of coffee, right?

I just wouldn't let it turn in to something more.

"Sure," I smiled. And I meant it.

**A/N: Polyvore for this chapter!**


	5. One Moment

**A/N: Love to everyone!**

**I do not own _Twilight_or _Something Borrowed_.**

**EPOV**

I was so glad when Bella said she was willing to meet me for coffee in the morning before going to work. For several minutes I was afraid she was going to tell me no, no matter what I said to her. She was being so stubborn. So…Bella. She always put others before herself, and of course she would see my offer as a threat to my relationship with Charlotte.

But frankly, despite how I feel about my fiancée, Bella was my friend first. I was wrong to fall out of touch with her and I know it. Life had taken a crazy turn after graduation. I got caught up in so many job offers and spent a year jumping around trying to get comfortable that I just didn't think about keeping in touch with my friends from college. And Bella wasn't the only one, but she was the one I regretted the most.

And now she was back…and with a confession I never expected.

But she did she know that I felt the same?

Wanting to say those words back to her was tearing me up inside. I want to tell her I feel the same. That I had a crush on her, too. And now that she was back in my life…those feelings were stirring again. And what it could mean scared the hell out of me.

Over the next week we met up a few times in the morning at the Starbucks Bella preferred and talked. We caught up on the last few years and what we had both been up to. It was a more in depth conversation than the one I tried to have with her on that first Monday.

"Are you going with Charlotte to the launch party tomorrow night?" Bella asked on Thursday as she picked apart her cranberry scone.

"Yes, she asked me to accompany her." I watched as her fingers ripped her breakfast pastry into tiny pieces. Her nails were shiny with polish, but no color. She kept them manicured and clean, which I appreciated on anyone. But Bella had a habit of never being able to keep her hands still, and I always caught myself watching what they were doing, wondering how soft they would be if I just reached out and touched her.

"You're not really looking forward to it, are you?" Bella asked, dragging my attention back to the conversation.

"Not really. The last party I went to with Charlotte was a house party at…Marcus's I think?"

"Oh, yes. I remember that one." Bella tried to hide a smile and failed.

"Were you there?" I asked, not remembering if I had seen her or not.

"No, I was not on the invitee list that evening. But I heard about it the day after."

"It wasn't all that exciting."

"That's what I heard. It was made up to be such a big deal that one of the senior editors was inviting the majority of the company to his house for a dinner party. But then it turned out to be one of the most boring evenings on record."

I tipped my coffee cup in her direction. "That pretty much covers it. The food sucked, too."

"Because it was catered from some cheap place probably."

"I thought so. It tasted like it."

"I'm glad I wasn't invited then."

"You didn't miss anything."

"Well, tomorrow night promises to be a little more upbeat since it's a launch party for a new author that we're publishing. The book hits shelves on Monday. So be sure to buy a copy." Bella pointed a playful finger at me.

"I'll decide after tomorrow night."

Bella nodded, understanding. "Seriously, though. This one I pushed a little at Marcus to consider for a long time before he accepted. I had a part in getting this author published. I'm proud…a little bit."

I pinched my thumb and forefinger close together. "Just a little?"

"Ok, a little more than a little."

I sipped my coffee, "Thought so."

We said our goodbyes a couple minutes later and Bella headed off to work while I returned to my apartment to spend some time on an article I was writing about the lack of substantial material in today's teen fiction.

It was pure opinion on my part, but there was some fact and truth in it. I had spent the last few months reading as many novels as I could in different genres of teen fiction. But after the fifteenth book I stopped because I was finding the same content and vibe in every story. This was the basis for the article I was writing, along with some notes I had made. Nothing specific would be mentioned of any novel, but I would be including a list of more notable and significant reading that today's teens should be engaged with. All age appropriate of course. Nothing too heavy that only a college grad would understand, but I knew there were some teens out there that ate up college level reading material.

I spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon writing up an outline and streamlining my material for the article before I heard from Charlotte. She wasn't going to make it to dinner tonight since she was going out with some girlfriends to pick out a dress for tomorrow night.

Did she not remember that we had specifically scheduled a date night tonight since one in the near future was looking impossible? Tomorrow night didn't count in my book as a date. We wouldn't be alone, we wouldn't be paying as much attention to each other, and neither of us really wanted to be there. Well, I didn't. Charlotte wanted to rub elbows as much as possible since she was considering applying for a senior position after the New Year.

I went back to work on my article and got a few paragraphs going before calling it quits for the day. This was what I loved most about writing freelance. I set my own hours and I decided what to do, when to do it, and when to stop.

Since I was now only cooking for one, I ordered a pizza and some wings and headed out to pick them up along with a six-pack.

I stopped at the store to grab some essentials for the weekend like milk, tea, my favorite muffins, and some microwave meals. When I reached the checkout I had to laugh, because there was Bella standing two people in front of me.

"Hey, stranger." I called out.

The other two people turned around, sneering a little at me. But Bella smiled, and offered her place in line to jump back to spaces. "Hi," She smiled and reached up to hug me around my neck. "Dinner?" She asked, assessing the items in my arms.

"No, weekend stocking. I'll be writing the whole time. You?"

"Same, but I'll be marking manuscripts."

We stood there waiting for the line to move, a weird silence coming down over us. "So…Charlotte canceled on me tonight…and I ordered enough food for two…" I started to say, shifting awkwardly on my feet.

"Are you inviting me over?" Bella asked, sounding as uncomfortable as I felt.

"I'm asking if you would like to hang out, as friends." I clarified.

Bella moved up and placed her items on the belt. "Um…at your place?"

"Sure, unless you would be more comfortable at your place."

"Um, no. I wouldn't, really. Not after…"

She stopped, giving me a scared look and biting her bottom lip. I knew she was referring to the night we slept together last week. Hard to believe it had only been a week ago. It felt like a lifetime had passed since then.

"Come over to my place, then. I ordered pizza. But only if you're comfortable."

"I don't think it would be a very good idea." Bella looked back at me with the same scared expression as she walked up to the cashier to pay for her items.

"Then just come with me to pick up the pizza and we can sit there and eat and talk. Neutral ground."

Bella stood silent for a minute. She handed over her credit card to the cashier, paid for her things and took the bag. She finally turned back to me as I walked up to pay.

"Neutral ground." She nodded.

"Great," I smiled at her and watched as a light blush painted her cheeks, and she turned away to hide it. It was so endearing.

We walked a couple blocks to the local pizzeria I had called earlier, and luckily it was a place that allowed you to walk in with your own beer or wine. We picked a table in the back and I went up to grab the pizza and wings. Bella had taken two of the Stellas out and placed them on the table. I popped them open with the bottle opener on my keychain and passed one to her.

"Good choice in beer, by the way," She told me after a sip. "One of my favorites."

"Mine, too."

I offered Bella a slice of the pizza first, banana peppers and sausage, then took a piece for myself and we ate in silence while it was still hot.

"Wow, this is really good. I never had this combination before."

"I only get to enjoy this when I'm alone." I told her, chewing at the same time. "Charlotte hardly ever eats pizza, and when she does it has to have at least five different vegetables on it. Pizza can be anything you want it to be…but when you cover it in vegetables the way she does you might as well just have a salad."

"I agree." Bella sipped her beer and grabbed a wing. "So, before I die, what's on these?"

I laughed out loud. "Just hot sauce, but it's not too hot. You may want this." I offered her the bleu cheese dip.

"Thanks," Bella dunked her wing in the sauce and took a good bite out of it. I had always loved in college that she was never afraid to enjoy her food. She worked out like crazy in the gym on the weekends and jogged every day, but she always showed a great appreciation for the meal in front of her.

"Do you still work out like you did in college?" I asked, recalling the memory of a day we had gone together.

Bella gave me a look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you look great and you're a woman not afraid to dive into pizza, wings, and beer with no guilt attached."

"Honestly, no. I still run every day, or almost everyday, and go to the gym on weekends when I have the time. But I just don't care. I only get this one life and I'm going to enjoy everything about it, including food, and never regret a moment."

"Everything?" I asked again, considering how she felt about last Tuesday.

Realizing what she had said and what it meant, Bella stared across the table at me, chewing slowly. She looked away for a moment and sipped her beer before glancing back to me.

"Everything," She confirmed.

That was all I needed to hear.

I picked Charlotte up the following evening at her apartment and we drove together to the party. It was being held in one the more glamorous hotels close to the firm. I couldn't remember the name because I didn't care. But Charlotte went on and on about prestigious it was for the company to be having the party here. There was an enclosed garden in the back were the cocktail hour was going to be, and then the main party was being held inside the ballroom where it was considerably warmer.

November was approaching and it was only getting colder outside.

When we arrived I handed over the keys to my Audi to one of the valets and stuffed the ticket inside my coat pocket. Charlotte checked her overcoat and I took her arm as we walked outside. I was very attentive to her for the first half of the evening, staying by her side and having her glass refilled, because I wanted to. Because she was fiancée and I loved her.

I hadn't seen Bella yet and wondered for a moment if she had decided not to come or was just late. Considering our conversation from yesterday I knew she wouldn't miss tonight.

After cocktails everyone was ushered inside for dinner and speeches were made about the author being celebrated tonight, and his new book, and how much promise he showed as a writer. I finally spotted Bella sitting at a different table. She was laughing along with a few of her coworkers, obviously sharing an inside joke.

As soon as I saw her, however, my eyes were drawn to her for the rest of the evening. Charlotte barely made conversation with me throughout the meal. She spent the time talking to the man seated beside her, one of the senior editors I imagined based on the conversation that I heard bits and pieces of. I didn't mind one bit. This was how evening like these went between us.

We showed up together, we spent the first half of evening together, and then Charlotte went off and did her thing for the rest of the night. But I always kept an eye on her should she need anything or want to leave early. Because the majority of the events we attended together were work related for her, I stayed until the end because I knew they were important to her.

But at the same time, I also knew that I was just a decoration for her to show off. That was Charlotte. I know she loves me, in her own way, and I never take it for granted. But sometimes I have to wonder how deep her love goes.

After dinner I asked Charlotte if she wanted to go for a walk in the garden, since it was enclosed. Maybe we could have a few minutes alone to talk, catch up on the week.

"Just give me a few minutes. I need to talk to Stephan about a few things first." She leaned over in her seat and kissed me before getting up to waltz across the room. I knew the moment she got out of her seat my request had been forgotten. It was in the way she moved away from and toward her boss. That was her priority at the moment.

I glanced over at Bella's table. She wasn't sitting there anymore and I looked around to see where she had gone. I noticed her walking out toward the garden, and got up to follow her.

She took off toward a secluded area in the garden where the party inside was still visible, but only to those in this spot.

"Hey," I greeted her, "Aren't you cold?" I asked, noticing the almost sleeve-less dress she was wearing.

"Not really, not yet."

I took my suit jacket off anyway and draped it around her shoulders. "Thanks," She smiled and sipped the last of her drink. "So, what do you think so far?"

"Not too bad." But I really wasn't focusing on the party. Bella had chosen a basic black dress tonight. Simple, elegant, and not over the top like Charlotte's wear for these events tended to be. "You look very nice."

Bella blushed and turned away from me to hide the coloring in her face. "You do, too." She muttered.

I moved a little closer to her. I had begun to notice that when we were together I had these conflicting feelings. What I felt for Charlotte versus what I was beginning to feel to for Bella. It was too confusing at times. And after some of the conversations we had shared, like yesterday evening, I was getting the sense that I had been right. Bella felt the same thing.

"Can we talk about something?" I asked.

"We can talk about anything." Bella confirmed, her voice low. She looked over her shoulder for a moment, but then right back to me.

I knew I was really taking a risk with what I was about to say to her, but it had been eating at me for days, and I needed to hear myself say it to make sure I was still sane. I would be taking the chance of scaring Bella off entirely, or maybe even losing the connection that we had been building, but I had to say it.

"I just want you to know that I had a crush on you, too."

Bella's eyes went wide as she continued to stare up at me. Her mouth opened just a little bit as her breathing increased.

"I know this is confusing as hell." I reached out to take her shoulders, but Bella flinched and turned away from me. "Look at me, Bella, please. I have to say this. Please, look at me." I begged her.

Bella turned back to me, her eyes shining a little bit. "I thought about you all the time back in grad school. I admired everything about you. Your passion, your drive, your commitment. Everything. And seeing you again now, I remember everything I felt then. And I just wish…"

"What?" Bella asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I wish I would have known how you felt, too."

"What do you mean?" Now she sounded confused and inched back just a little back from me.

"I mean…" I took a breath. I pushed aside every though I had of Charlotte. I had one chance at this. "Bella, if you feel the same way about me, you have to tell me now."

"I…" Bella started. She drew her bottom lip into her mouth as moisture pooled in her eyes. "I…can't." She exhaled. "I just can't, Edward." She shrugged out of my jacket and handed it back to me. "It's too late."

And with that she walked away from me.

But I wasn't going to let her get away. The uncertain look on her face, the tears in her eyes. She felt _something_, and she was just too scared to admit it. I walked after her. Bella stopped just as she reached the door to go back inside and turned to face me.

I took her hand and pulled her off to the side so we were hidden, then took her face between my palms and kissed her. It didn't surprise me when she kissed me back, her hands coming up to clutch at my waist.

"I'm sorry. I do feel the same way." She breathed when we parted.

"Why are you sorry?"

"For not telling you before. I do feel the same way…I wish that I didn't. But I can't fight it anymore, Edward."

"Then don't." I tucked some hair behind her ear and leaned down to kiss her again. Really meaning it this time.

"What are we going to do about this?" She asked when we parted the second time.

"That's a conversation for another day." I admitted. I couldn't think about that right now.

"Then maybe I should go home." She smiled at me and leaned up to kiss my cheek. She wasn't saying it because she felt hurt, but because at this very moment, it was the only thing to do about the situation.

I walked Bella to the coat check and held her coat for her as she slipped it on.

"Can I make a request, and you don't have to say yes or no right now. I want you to think about it. Maybe we can spend some time together this weekend and talk…about all of this."

Bella fixed the collar on her coat and smiled demurely at me. "I'll think about it." She promised. I walked her out to the front of the hotel and saw her safely into a taxi before returning to the party.

Charlotte was still talking to her boss when I came up behind her and placed my hand on the small of her back. She responded by wrapping her hand around my waist and leaning over to give me a quick kiss. Just the fact that she acknowledged me and then kiss me surprised the hell out of me.

And it only added a further layer of confusion to this mixed-up situation.

**A/N: Don't forget to go over to twifanfictionrecs . com and vote for "Playmates" in the Top Ten Best Stories! Polyvore update! **


	6. First Decision

**A/N: If any of this is confusing to some readers, I suggest you watch the movie **_**Something Borrowed**_**, based on the novel. I think it correlates really well with the book, and the way its acted out would help clear up some of the confusion when it comes to how Edward and Bella are feeling towards each other and the others involved in their situation. **

**You can always ask me questions and I will always do my best to answer them the best that I can. **

**I do not own **_**Twilight**_** or **_**Something Borrowed.**_

**BPOV**

"Oh my God, Alice, talk me out of this." I half groaned, half whined as I pulled the chilled pitcher of Sangria from my fridge and set it on the table.

Alice and I had a standing tradition of Saturday night dinners when we could manage it. We either cooked at my place or hers, or we went to one of two restaurants that served the most awesome Sangria we had experienced.

And so if we chose to stay in and cook, a pitcher or two of Sangria was _always _required.

Alice poured two glasses of the drink I had prepared and handed me one. "I don't know what you want me to say when I was the one who pushed you into making a decision."

"But that's just it." I said, beginning to chop up the peppers for the fish fajitas we were having for dinner tonight. "I haven't made a decision yet. And I don't want to make the wrong one. So, please," I turned to her, "talk me out of this."

Alice just sipped her wine and continued to stare at me causing me to burst out laughing. I finished chopping up the peppers and moved on to the cabbage.

"I asked you what you wanted. And you never really answered it. The fact that you're asking me now to talk you out of going after Edward…"

I held my knife up, "I am _not_ going after him."

"I'll rephrase. The fact that you're asking me now to talk you out of _seeing Edward in a friendly manner_ clearly indicates that you want to spend time with him."

I didn't respond.

"What is so wrong with seeing him to talk."

"It's what we have to talk about, Alice."

"Ah yes, his kiss."

"It's more than just the kiss. It's…everything else that's going on."

Alice sat up a little straighter. "What else has happened? What aren't you telling me?"

I waved the knife in the air. "Nothing like that. It's all of the emotions that are flying around. We _do_ need to talk about it and straighten things out. _I_ want to know what's going on inside his head."

"I want to know what's going on inside yours." Alice countered. She sipped her wine again. "But not right now." She got up and brought my glass with her to the counter. "Right now we cook and have a nice dinner. Then veg out with some DVDs and Ben and Jerry."

I laughed again because Alice always had a way of saying just the right thing to pull my mind back into focus.

_Meet me for coffee?_

I stared at the letters on my phone willing them to say something else, but secretly thrilling at the invitation they spelled out.

_Ten minutes?_ I typed back.

_See you there. _

I liked that Edward didn't type out the tacky little smiley face at the end. But it did make me question if he was looking forward to seeing me. I suddenly had the thought that he regretted his kiss from Friday night. My heart clenched a little and I stopped myself from going any farther down that line of thinking.

I would deal with that when I saw him.

So in an effort to no appear too desperate, I dressed casually in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt and my moccasins. I even allowed myself to walk out with mismatched socks on.

Edward was sitting in an armchair waiting for me when I walked in. His face erupted in a bright smile when he saw me. It was all I saw as he wrapped his arms around me in a hug and kissed my cheek. When he pulled back I took a moment to observe him more fully. He had dressed casually as well in a black sweater with a blue shirt peeking out underneath, and chinos with black sneakers. He looked completely relaxed and exuberant.

We got in line together and he purchased our coffees. Today I decided to try a caramel brulée latte with skim milk. Edward got blonde roast and added skim and sugar to it. He picked out one of the snack trays for us to share as well.

We sat at the same table by the window and Edward opened the snack tray offering me the first nibble. I chose a multigrain cracker with a little brie on it.

"I know I seem really calm right now," Edward started, resting his folded hands on the table, "but I'm not. I'm freaking out inside because I'm so afraid of what happened Friday night is going to scare you away. I don't want to lose you, Bella." He reached across the table for my hand. I let my fingers slide a little closer to his, just so the tips were touching.

"You're not going to lose me, Edward. I promise."

His smile was so jubilant I couldn't help but blush in reaction to it. What was I doing? Was I promising that he would never lose me as a friend, or that I wouldn't let him lose his chance to be with me?

Sitting there watching Edward as he continued to smile for a moment longer made me realize that he was doing so because _I_ was sitting here with him. And he was sitting here with me because he wanted to. I knew then that no matter where Edward was, it was where I wanted to be, too.

I let my fingers slide the rest of the way across the table and slip into Edward's. He covered my hand with his and sighed, completely content. I shut my eyes and let the moment wash over me.

We talked after. We talked about the party, and the book and author being celebrated. And we talked about Charlotte. Edward admitted that she was pushing for a quick wedding. As early as Christmas or New Years'. It took my breath away when he told me next that she had started planning for such the day after they got engaged.

"She's not pregnant is she?" I asked, the first thought that came to my mind.

"No!" Edward laughed, because it had been his first thought as well when Charlotte dropped the bomb on him about a quick engagement.

"And you're ok with this?" I was inquiring after the situation we were in more so than I was his fiancée's crazy idea. I should have been more specific because Edward just shrugged his shoulders and sipped his coffee.

"I haven't given it much thought to be honest."

"How can you not? It's your wedding, too, Edward. You have a say in it."

"I really can't think about details like that, Bella. It happens when it happens.

"And what about us?" I blurted out. "What about Friday night? Or was that your way of getting affection because Charlotte is seriously lacking in that department?"

Now Edward looked a little frustrated. But I just barreled on. "You are an engaged man. You shouldn't be sitting here with me talking about a kiss that never should have happened."

"Bella, I meant what I said Friday night. You are all I ever thought about in grad school. If things had ended up differently between us then…"

Edward stopped, folding his hands in front of his face and leaned his elbows on the table.

"Then what?" I asked, pressing for him to share his thoughts, because I needed to know what they were.

"Nothing," Edward whispered, leaning back in his chair. The fight was out of him now. But I wasn't finished yet. I wasn't going to let him get away with kissing me the way he did and then quit.

But he looked so…lost. Maybe he really didn't know what to think because he had never anticipated anything like this happening. I reached across the table for him. Edward leaned forward and slipped his fingers into mine.

"Don't worry," I told him. "We'll figure things out."

Edward squeezed my hand in response. "I like your socks." He said.

His comment was so absurd and unexpected that I burst out laughing and fell back in my chair. It was the tension breaker that we needed. We lapsed into a comfortable conversation after, sitting there long enough that Edward got up and bought more coffee.

We spent the next week texting back and forth. He would send a message in the middle of the morning asking me how my day was going and I would send him back a picture of my cluttered desk. Once he sent me back a picture of his laptop and behind it his desktop covered in Post-It notes, and a stack of pads and notebooks beside it. "Same here" his caption had read.

I laughed to myself when I saw it. He must have been struggling with several articles at once. And he was still just as disorganized and all over the place as he had been in grad school.

I remember sitting in the library with him and watching him flip through texts he was using for his thesis, slapping colored sticky notes to the pages.

_We occupied a table in the reference section near the classic literature. Edward already had a pile of books picked out from the journalism section and was flipping madly through pages. _

_I looked up from where I was taking notes on Austen and adjusted my reading glasses. Edward grabbed a few sticky notes and starting marking paragraphs he would come back to later and read. _

"_Maybe you should come up with a better system." I suggested with a small smile. I was teasing him, and he threw the same grin back at me. _

"_I work better with chaos." _

"_I've noticed." I indicated his scattered notes and texts with my pen. _

"_Hey, it works for me. We can't all be Type A, systematic neat freaks who work top to bottom and side to side." _

"_Was that supposed to be a double entendre?" _

"_Only if you want it to be." Edward flashed a brighter smile and waggled his eyebrows at me. We lapsed into flirting like this all the time, and no matter what it was we said, it always made me blush. "Why do you hide like that?" Edward asked when he noticed me duck my head. _

"_Because you're a perv." _

"_Don't hide. I like your blush." _

_I looked up at him. "Really?" _

"_Yeah, it's cute." He lifted the corner of his mouth up in a small smile. I tucked some hair behind my ear, but a smile found its way to my lips as well. _

_You haven't changed. _I texted back to his picture now.

_I told you we can't all have your level of OCD, Bella._

_I do NOT have OCD. _

…

_Ok, maybe I do a little bit. _

_There we go. Knew I could get you to admit it. Just a little bit. :P_

Even though I found those little smiles annoying, coming from Edward it was quirky and sweet. I appreciated his teasing. It kept me light on my feet and things in perspective. Because he pointed out things I would not otherwise notice, because he knew me so well.

_Get back to work you jerk._

_I'm not the one texting on company time. _

_Shut up…_

_Have a nice afternoon, Bella. Maybe we can do coffee again on Saturday. _

_I'll have to think about it now. I don't know if I can put up with your antics. _

_You love my antics. Don't deny it. _

_Ok, I won't. _

_Bye, Bella. _

_Bye, Edward. _

I put my phone away in my purse afterward and got right back to my typing. I worked hard until lunchtime then went downstairs to grab a sandwich at the deli cart in the lobby and an iced tea.

After I paid and started to walk back toward the elevators, I noticed Charlotte walking out from the vestibule where I was headed. She seemed to be looking at something with determination, and I glanced back to see Edward waiting for her. He reached for her hand as she walked up to him and kissed her. Charlotte responded enthusiastically cupping the side of his face and leaned in to him.

I felt my heart sink and my stomach drop. Suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore. I rushed off toward the elevators before either of them could see me. I went straight back to my work, my sandwich laying forgotten in the trash.

I worked straight through on my tasks to 7pm when I finally shut down my computer for the night and locked my office door. I pulled my phone out of my bag to check it since I had ignored for the rest of the day when I got back from the lobby.

Edward had texted me half a dozen times, and called once. From the last time stamp it looked like he had given up an hour ago. Alice had texted me as well asking how my coffee date with Edward had gone.

I called her back as soon as I finished reading her text. "Coffee was fine." I said, monotone.

"Uh oh…. What happened today?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I punched the button in the elevator for the lobby and shrugged my coat on as it descended.

"Talk," Alice prompted. "No, better yet. Meet me at the tapas place we like. We'll talk there over a bottle or two."

"I can't drink right now."

"Sounds like you need to."

I sighed and let out a long breath. I wanted to scream. And I wanted Edward to hear it. But he wasn't here right now. And frankly, I didn't know if I wanted to talk him for a couple days.

"All right, give me…fifteen minutes." I said as I checked my watch. It would take me that long to walk up the street to the restaurant.

"Great, I'll see you soon. Hang in there, Bella."

She hung up and I was suddenly alone again in the elevator. I stared at my reflection in the brass across from me. I looked tired, angry, and just defeated. Was I doing this to myself intentionally? Or was I letting Edward, my friend and someone who was engaged to another woman while seemingly pursuing me, have this power over me? I covered my face with my hands and groaned into them.

No, I wasn't going to let Edward have this kind of power over me. It was my choice to do what I was doing. I was letting myself feel this way for a man I couldn't have. But I still wanted him. My heart and my head collided in that moment. I didn't care that he was engaged to Charlotte. I didn't care that she was practically forcing him to marry sooner than he was obviously ready to. I just wanted to be with him in any capacity that I could.

But first I had to deal with how seeing him with Charlotte this afternoon had affected me. I didn't know if he was being like that with her for appearances, or if… I didn't know what to think anymore when it came to Edward and Charlotte. I know personally I could not stand her. But maybe there was a redeeming quality about her that Edward could see past everything else.

That was a mark of love in my book. But I didn't want to go there.

Alice was already sitting at a booth when I walked into the restaurant. She got up, hugged me, and we sat down where she passed a beer my way. I took a long drink before shrugging out of my coat and scarf and discarding them on the seat next to me.

"So," Alice prompted once more.

"Let me settle in first." I sipped my beer again and glanced at the menu. This was one of our Sangria restaurants. But no wine tonight. Just beer. We always got a few appetizers and shared them.

"The usual?" Alice asked as I continued to look over the menu.

"Yeah, familiar and comforting sounds good." I said quietly.

Alice placed the order when our waiter came by to check on drinks and she turned back to me. "Settled?"

"Yeah. Ok," I breathed out. "I was getting lunch in the lobby today and Charlotte walked out from the elevators to meet Edward. And they…got pretty cozy."

"You knew eventually that would happen in front of you."

"Yes, but we had just been texting back and forth all morning, and after coffee on Sunday…I don't know. I just felt like things were moving in a…certain direction."

"What kind of direction?"

"A different direction than we had been on in grad school."

"A direction you want it to go in…or is it something you're just letting happen because you can't make up your mind. Is it something you want?"

I shrugged and finished my first beer. ""I don't know."

"You need to make a decision. Do you want him or not?"

"Why are you encouraging me to go after an engaged man?"

"Because you obviously still care about him and want to be with him. And who cares about Charlotte. Seriously, Edward must have been high when he first hooked up with her." Alice sipped her beer and sat back in her seat.

I snorted a laugh.

"But…"

"No buts. You either want to be with him or you don't. He's worth the risk or he isn't."

Our food arrived and I started picking. Alice let me sit and eat something as I thought about what she said. She was speaking from experience. Jasper had been another woman when they met, and it had been a serious relationship. But he had actively pursued Alice until he realized that it was her he was supposed to be with, not the other woman. And Alice had pursued him in return because she knew after five minutes that he was the man she was supposed to be with for the rest of her life.

"You're going to be a real pain in my ass about this aren't you?" I asked, taking a swig from my second beer.

"I believe in fighting for the things we really want because we only get one chance. The risk doesn't matter if the battle is worthwhile."

"What if I cost someone else their happiness?"

"If you're talking about Charlotte I am going to slap you."

"No, I'm talking about Edward. He looked genuinely happy to see her this afternoon. Like he wanted to be with her. I won't upset whatever happiness he has with her."

"I know, you've said this before." Alice spread a little bruschetta on a piece of bread and popped it in her mouth. "But do you really think he's happy with her?"

I shrugged and elected not to answer. I popped a dolma in my mouth and chewed on the grapes leaves as I tried not to imagine Edward's mouth on Charlotte's.

"Did he have fun with you on Sunday morning?"

"Yes,"

"Did you have fun?"

"Yes,"

"And he did appear as happy when he was Charlotte this afternoon?"

"He looked like he did."

"_Exactly_. He _looked_ like he did. That doesn't mean he actually _was_ happy."

"True," I assented.

"And how are you going to know unless you talk to him? Unless you let him know how it made you feel?"

"I can't do that."

"Yes you can. You're just too much of a chicken shit to do it."

I glared across the table at Alice. She was just as direct as Edward, but in a different way.

"The first decision here has to be yours, Bella. Do you want him or not?"

"I do," I said forcefully, surprising myself with the seriousness of my tone.

"How bad do you want this, Bella? Do you love him?"

"_Yes_,"

_Oh my God, what am I doing? _

"Halleluiah! Finally!" Alice exclaimed. "Go get him." She winked at me and we returned to our dinner without discussing the topic of Edward further.

Only if the stars aligned in the right order would this end well.

But my luck has never been that good.

**A/N: Dun dun dun….Go get him Bella! Don't forget to head over twifanfictionrecs . .com and vote for "Playmates" in the Top Ten Best Stories completed in October 2013. Polyvore update for this chapter!**


	7. Answers

**A/N: Please don't hate me for the direction the story is taking. If you don't like the idea of cheating, don't keep reading. But remember that this is a story inspired by another story that also dealt with the main characters cheating. **

**I do not own **_**Twilight**_** or **_**Something Borrowed**_**.**

**EPOV**

I couldn't understand why Bella wasn't responding to any of my texts or phone calls. We had had such a nice conversation at the end of last week, and for the past six days I've heard nothing from her. She had seemed in a good mood when we stopped texting just before I went over to meet Charlotte for lunch.

So what was going on?

I thought back on everything that had happened since that first Tuesday back in September. It had been almost four weeks of feeling conflicted, confused, and just plain lost. But at the same time, when I was around Bella I felt the happiest I had been in months. And I could tell she felt the same. She was smiling whenever we were together.

So, again…what had happened?

I couldn't pinpoint a particular moment when I would have given her doubt to believe what I had told her.

Although what I did know, was that Charlotte was being uncommonly affectionate lately. I don't know what's going on inside her head, but I have to admit that I like the attention she's been giving me.

She wanted to sit down tonight and talk about a few things. I wondered if this was going to be one of them.

Charlotte always insisted on coming over to my apartment. It was a little bigger than hers, and more centrally located to most of the venues we frequented during the week after works hours.

She arrived with a smile and a bottle of wine. I got a kiss in greeting, a little deeper than I was used to, and I had to wonder what was going on to make her so…doting with her emotions lately.

I had cooked dinner for us earlier and it was just keeping warm on the stove. I made a dish that we both enjoyed so there would be no bickering. Not that Charlotte bickered, she always mentioned how displays of anger like that were childish and beneath her. But she wasn't above stamping her feet when she didn't get her way sometimes. It was a peeve I had learned to deal with and eventually ignore. It didn't bother me so much anymore as it once did.

I made two plates of the chicken Marsala and brought them out. Charlotte even clapped a little when she saw what I had made. I was secretly pleased.

"So what's going on with the sudden lift in mood?" I asked. I didn't want to say 'why are you all of sudden so nice to me?'. It may come off in a bad way and the last thing I wanted to do right now was fight.

"I think I'm getting a promotion." Charlotte told me, sipping her wine.

"Really, that's great. I know you've been working so hard to move up."

"Well, it wouldn't be moving up, technically. I would be still be a junior editor for the most part, but I would be assisting one of the senior editors directly instead of reporting to them for everything."

"Still, that's really great."

"It's a test, I think, to see how well I fare working directly under one specific senior editor, and to see if I'm capable of doing that job."

"You'll do great."

"I didn't get the spot yet. But I know I will."

"I'm sure you will, too."

Charlotte reached over and rubbed the back of my hand. "You're always so supportive. That's why I love you."

It took me by surprise at first, because I hadn't heard her say those words to me in a long time. But I smiled at her. For some reason, though, I couldn't bring myself to say the words back to her. All I saw in that moment was Bella's face.

I cleaned up after dinner and stuck everything in the dishwasher. Charlotte brought the wine out into the living room and we settled on the couch. "So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked, pouring myself half a glass.

"Well, I wanted to tell you about work. And I went to go see my parents this past weekend. They're agreeable to a small engagement party. But we have to invite specific family members. Their compromise." Charlotte held up one hand, as if to say there was nothing she could do about this.

"As long as it doesn't turn into a huge thing, I don't care."

"I knew you would say that." She smiled at me over the rim of her glass. "That's what you always say. You're making this so easy right now, but you know when it comes down to it, I will need your opinion on some things."

I nodded. "Just don't ask me about your dress. I'm not supposed to know."

"Oh no, that job is saved for someone else."

"Have you picked a bridal party yet?"

"I've been considering a few girls from college that I'm still in touch with. I don't very many close girlfriends, Edward."

"That's ok, I don't have very many close boyfriends."

Charlotte wacked me with a throw pillow. "Don't be an ass."

"But I'm so good at it."

"I _know_,"

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, sipping our glasses of wine. Charlotte didn't bring anything else up and I didn't press for more news. She finished her wine and set the glass down on the coffee table.

"Well, I guess I should head home." She said as she stood and stretched a little. I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was hoping I would invite her to stay the night.

But frankly, ever since dinner, my thoughts had been on Bella. I was completely silent as Charlotte stood in front of me waiting for a response. I was lost in thought about what it would be like to have Bella over for dinner like this. The two of us sharing a bottle of wine and catching up on the more important parts of our weeks.

"Earth to Edward." Charlotte chanted at me.

I shook my head to clear the fog. "Sorry, I was thinking."

"I could tell, there was steam coming out of your ears from the gears in there grinding together."

I smiled to myself at her attempt at teasing me. I zoned out a lot like this even when I wasn't thinking about Bella. It was just a trait of mine, and no matter how many times I had explained this to Charlotte, she still treated me on occasion like I was completely absentminded.

Another peeve that I was slowly beginning to ignore more and more.

"I said I think I should be going home."

"Yeah, early day tomorrow." I said glancing over my shoulder at the pile of work waiting for me on my computer.

"Doesn't have to be, you know." Charlotte started to say, the suggestive tone working its way into her voice.

"I'm sure you have just as much work waiting for you as I do." I got up leaving my glass on the table.

Charlotte sighed, a little more dramatically than was necessary, but nodded and went to collect her coat and purse. I offered to walk her down so she could get a cab back to her apartment. I thought it was the least I could do since I was turning down my fiancée for a night of fun. I could make sure she got home safe.

She kissed me goodbye, looping her arms around my neck. I kissed her back just enough to let her know I was there, but not too much to make her think I wanted her to come back upstairs with me.

I stood watching the cab pull away and glanced down the street in the other direction…towards Bella's apartment just a few blocks away. Would it be entirely wrong to go over there now, after just finishing a date with my fiancée.

Yes. Yes it would be.

A few days later I finally heard from Bella again.

_Is Charlotte dragging you to the company Halloween party?_

_No, I'm going willingly. Because I'm hoping you'll be there. _

There was a long pause before Bella responded.

_I'll be there. But I don't know how long I'll be staying. _

_Just be there, please. I want to talk to you._

_I said I would be there, so I will be. I'll see you Thursday night. _

_See you then, Bella. By the way what are dressing as? _

_Myself._

Her responses were curt and a little rude, but maybe I was reading too much into them. Maybe she was just overwhelmed with work.

I put my phone down and got back to work on the latest article I was writing, due Friday. But Bella's tone, not that I could really tell from text messages, had seemed off. Like she was upset with me, or something, or she was mad.

I picked up my phone and stared at it for several minutes as I debated texting her back to ask her if she was ok. If there was anything I had said or done. If she was mad at me for any reason.

But I let it go.

I had a better idea.

Thursday night rolled around and Charlotte showed up at my apartment dressed in a costume that looked like a clear shower curtain. She lifted her right arm and a wing-like piece of material came up from the dress with her. The left shoulder was tapered off and pointed outward.

"Oh, I get it." I laughed, recognition dawning on me. "You're the pitcher."

"Very good," Charlotte smiled.

I shook my head, glancing down at the t-shirt I was wearing. I was never very creative when it came to Halloween costumes and usually just wore some themed t-shirt and that was my costume. This year I had chosen my red Kool-Aid shirt, jeans, and my red Vans.

"I think we can pull this off." She grabbed my hand just as I shut my apartment door, and dragged me off toward the elevators. I shrugged my coat on as we descended and helped Charlotte into her coat.

While I thought our couples' costume was clever and I knew we would have a good time tonight, I was more focused on seeing Bella and talking to her tonight. I wanted to know what was going on and why she wasn't responding to any of my messages.

I was happy the party tonight was being held at a club instead of someone's house. This was the first year that a Halloween party was being hosted. The year had been so good with new publications the president of the editing firm had decided to reward the employees with a party. But I think it was also so there was the opportunity to invite other potential authors and show them the success of the company.

I didn't see Bella right off when Charlotte and I arrived. She went straight to the bar where some of her coworkers were and started chatting. I took a moment to glance around again, but still didn't see Bella. The club was well packed for a Thursday night, but then again it was Halloween.

I kept an eye on Charlotte as I walked up to the bar. She acknowledged my presence with her arm around my waist. She handed me my favorite beer and sipped it gratefully. "I was wondering when you would make your way over here."

"Sorry, I was just looking around."

"Comparing costumes?"

Sure, let her think that.

"Yeah, ours are the best." I smirked at her.

"I think they're clever."

I sipped my beer glancing around again. My eyes trained on the door just as Bella walked in. I stopped to watch her, hoping she didn't look over here at the bar and notice me staring.

She was wearing a black dress with a red pendant necklace, and a blue sweater. She had certainly come as herself. But I think her statement tonight were her shoes. She was wearing the highest heels I had ever seen on her, and studded with crystals in a pattern that created the English flag, or the Union Jack, as I had grown up calling it.

Another girl walked in with her, the two of them laughing together at some joke or comment. She was actually wearing a costume, something pixi or fairy, I really couldn't tell.

"Hey, is it all right of I go sit for a bit?" Charlotte asked.

I turned my head. "And leave me by myself?" I mock pouted, but secretly I was thrilling because I wanted to get to Bella before she disappeared.

"You'll be fine." Charlotte gave me a squeeze and a quick kiss before she walked off with her coworkers. I watched her cross the club and the four of them claimed a booth near the back. She would be all right for a bit.

I moved toward Bella as she approached the opposite side of the bar. A wall of bottles and décor separated the two sides so Charlotte wouldn't be able to make me out talking to Bella and question me a million times over about it later. I couldn't handle her interrogations.

Since the night Bella and I had been together there was so many times I wanted to just to come out and admit to Charlotte what had happened. But I couldn't let go of the way I felt about Bella. Every time I see her, hear her voice, it continues to reawaken old emotions I had thought I had let go of.

This was becoming more and more difficult with each passing day.

"You look beautiful." I said quietly once I was beside her.

Bella turned with a smile on her face, and even in the darkened lighting I could see the flush in her cheeks.

"Thank you. Your costume is very…amusing."

"I thought it was fun."

Bella smiled at the bartender as he put a glass down in front of her. Something pink that looked far too sweet. He put another glass down, this time a white wine. Ah, that was more Bella.

The girl who had come in with Bella bounced, yes bounced over, and grabbed the pink drink. She gave Bella a kiss on the cheek and a wink and bounced away again.

"So, why are you not responding to my messages?" I asked.

"I saw you that afternoon we were texting. I saw you with Charlotte in the lobby, and you kissed her, and you looked like…you loved her. And it was just…hard after the conversation we had. It was hard to see you with her when I know what we're doing. Or…at least saying to each other. Oh my God, why am I saying these things?" Bella rushed out at the end and took a huge gulp of her wine.

"No, I'm glad you're saying them." I reached down for her hand, but Bella pulled it away. "You're telling me how you feel."

"But how do _you_ feel?" Bella turned it back on me. "I know what I want, Edward. I want you, I want to be with you. What do you want?"

I glanced up to where Charlotte was still sitting across the club with her coworkers. But I looked back to Bella when I felt her hand cover mine.

"I think we need to take some time…_alone_…to figure this out." I finally stated, my voice barely above a whisper. "Charlotte is going to visit her parents next weekend. Maybe…maybe you could come over to my apartment and we could spend some time together…just us."

I watched Bella process this. She gulped the rest of her wine and set the glad back down on the counter. It was removed by the bartender and returned a moment later refilled.

"I have to think about that." She looked down at her feet when she said it. I looked down at well and smirked at her shoes.

"I have to say, Bells, I do love those heels."

Bella looked back up with a huge grin on her face. "Thanks. Alice forced me into them."

"Is that who you're here with?"

Bella nodded and rolled her eyes with a knowing look. "She's something else. But you would love her."

"She looks like a lot of fun."

Bella sipped her wine. "She definitely is."

"Will you think about it?" I asked, changing the subject back to us.

"I promise I will."

I leaned down and kissed her cheek. "So I'll hear from you soon?"

Bella didn't answer. She nodded. I would take what I could get.

"Look, that day you saw me with Charlotte. I know it hurt you, I see that and hear it in your voice. I'm sorry you saw that. But I…" Oh man, this was it. I was basically giving Bella hope wit this. "I don't know if I love her the way I used to."

"But do you still love her?" Bella interrupted.

"I love her, yes. But…"

"As a friend?" Bella suggested.

I shrugged, and I knew that was the wrong idea. Bella frowned for a moment as my shoulders fell, but she managed to still look happy. "You don't know." Bella answered for me.

"That's why I think we need this time."

"It sounds like _you_ need it more to figure out how you feel."

"Is that so bad?"

"I just wish you could answer me."

"This _is_ my answer, Bella. I want to take the time to be with you, and just you."

"But what if you decide this isn't what you want? Where does that leave me?" Bella sipped her wine again and swallowed. "Look, I'll think about this. But you need to think about it, too."

She moved past me and walked off to join Alice across the club.

I watched her for a moment and then looked around for Charlotte. She was still unaware of me on the other side of the bar. I swear I could almost hear her too-loud laugh across the club. She always forced it out more than it needed to be so she would appear to be amused by whatever the person said.

But she was right. Bella had clearly made her decision. Now I needed to make mine.

**A/N: Don't forget, voting for Top Ten Fics completed in October closes on December 1****st****! Go over to twinfanfictionrecs . com and vote for Playmates! Polyvore update for this chapter!**


	8. Second Time

**A/N: So I didn't make the Top Ten on twifanfictionrecs . com. But thank you to all those who voted! If this chapter feels like I didn't have my heart in the plot, I probably didn't for some of the time. I knew what I wanted to accomplish in this chapter, but I have been fighting off a cold, and there were moments when I was writing and foggy at the same time. So please excuse any grammatical errors or any plot items that do not make sense. I did my best when I went back and edited before posting. **

**I do not own **_**Twilight **_**or **_**Something Borrowed**_

**BPOV**

He had actually asked me to come over to his apartment.

Just the two of us.

Alone.

With Charlotte out of the city.

I couldn't say I wasn't tempted. I was highly tempted to say yes right when he asked me at the party. But I was getting frustrated with his indecisiveness. When he explained that maybe we needed some time alone to figure what this…thing was between us, I understood why he was feeling so conflicted. I was as well. Well, I understood a little bit better, but I was still frustrated.

He had proposed the time alone for this upcoming weekend. I went the rest of the weekend of the party without answering him, since I had told him I needed to think about it. And I did, even though I knew I was capable of rash decision-making.

Now it was Friday, November 8, and we were catapulting into the colder part of the season. The year was coming to an end, and if Edward was intending on staying with Charlotte in the end, his wedding was coming up fast. And he hadn't mentioned anything about a date yet. Well, actually he had. Charlotte wanted a Christmas wedding. So that meant if he was just stringing me along, which I knew he wouldn't do intentionally, his wedding was only 47 days away.

I sat at my desk with my phone in my hands, fingers poised to send him a text message. I wanted to tell him that if I knew he had any interest in being with me exclusively then yes, I wanted to spend the weekend with him to figure things out. If he knew in the end he was going to do right by Charlotte and marry her, then I was ending things now.

But I couldn't bring myself to say the words. I shoved my phone into my purse at my feet making sure the ringer was low enough that I could hear it but not disturb anyone outside. I shut my eyes for a moment to refocus myself and started typing away on my laptop.

"Hey stranger,"

I looked up when I heard Alice's voice, a broad smile breaking out on my face. "Hi," I jumped up and ran over to her for a hug. I felt like it had been forever since I had seen her, but it had only been a week. A long week.

"What are you doing here?"

"Lunch?" Alice asked.

I glanced at my watch. It was already past 1 in the afternoon. "Yes, definitely. I didn't realize what time it was."

Alice nodded her head knowingly. "I figured as much, lets go."

I grabbed my purse and coat and got halfway to the door when Charlotte knocked loudly behind Alice.

"Bella, can you take care of these reports for me. I need them done before I leave early this afternoon. You _can_ get them done in an hour right?" She walked in and dropped the massive file on my desk.

She didn't even thank me before walking out, completely ignoring Alice like she wasn't even there, and the fact that I had my purse and coat in my hand.

"I'm usually above name-calling, but what a rotten bitch." Alice said, raising her voice just a little louder so maybe if Charlotte was out in the hall she would hear. Not that Alice cared. She didn't work here.

I just sighed and dumped my coat and purse behind my desk. "Sorry," I apologized and sat back down.

"Don't be sorry that you work for such a foul creature. Wait, is she the one marrying Edward?"

I nodded.

"And you're willing to let him get trapped with _that_ for the rest of his life."

"No, but I really don't have much say in the matter, do I?"

"Of course you do."

I rolled my eyes as I started going through the pile of work Charlotte had just given me. It was going to take more than an hour, but I was determined to get it on her desk in forty-five minutes.

"Look, I'm going downstairs and getting us some lunch, and then I'm coming back up here to eat with my best friend like I had intended." Alice turned to go, but stopped and shut the door. "Has Edward asked you to spend time alone with him yet?"

"He actually wants to this weekend since Bitch-O-Saurus will be out of the city visiting her family."

"Bella, do yourself a favor and tell him yes. Because I'll tell you right now someone like Charlotte wouldn't hesitate to steal a man away from another woman."

"You make me sound like such a criminal."

"Well, if it were up to me, leaving Edward to fend for himself with a beast like that for the rest of his life should be considered a criminal offense." Alice smiled and opened the door. "I'll be right back. Get to work." She pointed her finger at me and shut the door as she left.

I had to smile. Alice always knew had to make a bad day better and the worst day the best you ever had. And just by being completely honest with you. And sometimes, it was exactly what you needed to hear.

I pulled my phone out of my purse and scrolled to Edward's number and started typing.

_This weekend…YES!_

I waited patiently for his reply. Alice was just walking in when my phone chimed.

_Thank you. I can't wait to see you tonight._ He didn't include it, but I could feel the smile attached to his message.

"Did you tell him?" Alice asked as she shut the door and sat down in the one chair in front of my desk.

"Yes," I smiled and put my phone away.

"Can you do me another favor?" She asked as she unpacked a sandwich and bowl of soup for me.

"Sure,"

"Have a really good time this weekend."

I tried to take Alice's advice seriously after she left following our too-brief lunch. She stayed just long enough to eat and help me organize the pile of work Charlotte had given me and then left me to tackle it. I struggled to make my forty-five minute goal, but I got the file back on her desk within fifty minutes of her handing it to me. Half of the paperwork she had given me was junk, and I knew she had thrown it in there to make the stack look more intimidating.

Charlotte wasn't at her desk when I dropped off the work, so I left a sticky note on the file.

_I hope you enjoy a stress-free weekend!_

It was pleasant and I knew she wouldn't get the double-meaning to it. She was leaving for an early weekend, dumping her work on the rest of us so she could go relax out in Westchester. Not that I had any idea what she was going to visit her family for. But Charlotte did not strike me as the kind of person who let things get to her. She just brushed problems off as easily as she brushed people off.

Like Edward.

I texted him at six to let him know I was leaving work and heading back to my apartment to change before coming over. He answered back that he was making dinner for us and it wouldn't be ready for at least another hour.

I walked the eight blocks to my apartment with a slight spring in my step, enjoying the crisp evening air. When I got back I took my time washing my face and choosing my clothes for tonight. I wanted to look nice, but not like I was asking for it.

I decided to just show up without letting Edward know I was on the way. I still had that spring in my step as I headed back out into the cold. I was growing more excited by the moment as I approached Edward's apartment. I wondered what he had made for dinner, what his apartment looked like. Would there any touches of Charlotte in it? I dreaded that for a moment, but then I realized it didn't matter if there was a photo of the two of them together somewhere. He was choosing to be with me tonight. The whole weekend actually, and that made me forget my worries.

At least for now.

Edward had already called down to the doorman at his building to let him know he was expecting a guest. I walked in and was directed to the bank of elevators. I was a bundle of nerves all the way up to the fifth floor. It only took a minute but it was enough time for me to realize I was there and what I was there for.

Needless to say by the time I knocked on Edward's door I was a bundle of nerves. But I took a breath and waited for the door to open. When he finally stood there, I felt a smile break out on my face. I had taken my coat off in the elevator so I stood there now in my dress with Edward raking his eye over me briefly. But not in a hungry way.

"Wow, you look beautiful." He breathed out. He moved to the side so I could walk in. He took my coat and hung it on the rack by his door then turned to me and leaned down to kiss my cheek. "I'm so glad you texted me when you did because Charlotte called me moments after I got your message. She wanted me to come with her and I had to tell her that the deadline on my next piece had been moved up to Monday."

"You actually lied to her?"

"Does it matter now?" He asked. Maybe he didn't feel about her the way I thought he had.

He let his hand settle on my lower as he guided me further into his apartment. It was spacious but not cavernous, and tastefully decorated. And clean.

"I'm impressed." I told him as we walked toward the kitchen and the mouth-watering aroma I had picked up on as soon as I walked in.

"With what?" Edward laughed.

"I can see the floor."

I got a playful shove and turned, Edward's hand settling on his waist. He let his other hand take the opposite side and hold me there as we stared at each other. He leaned down to close the space between us. I hesitated before leaning up to meet him. I didn't know what this would mean. We hadn't been this close since the release party nearly three weeks ago.

He kissed me lightly, chastely. It was too brief, I felt, when he pulled back a moment later.

"Just to test the water." He whispered, pressing his forehead into mine.

"I think its safe." I whispered back.

"Good,"

I stood there watching him watch me. His eyes were brightened by his smile, twinkling from the obvious joy he was feeling. Some hair fell across his forehead and I reached up to brush it away. His eyes closed and he exhaled slowly. He liked my touch.

"I don't ever want to move from this spot." He breathed, opening his eyes again.

"We don't have to."

"Yes we do. I didn't work for three hours to not feed you an amazing meal."

"Three hours, huh?" I felt an eyebrow quirk up.

"That includes the grocery shopping."

I laughed quietly and my hand squeezed him through his shirt where it lay on his back.

I didn't know what had happened between last weekend and right now, but I was feeling very open-minded about this whole situation. I wanted certain things to happen between us so we knew where we were in this relationship. I enjoyed the gaze of his eyes, his slightly rough touch, the way his breath fanned across my face because we were so close.

When we finally made it into the kitchen I noticed he had set the table with white roses and candles. Very romantic, but still simple and elegant. He pulled my chair out for me and pushed it in.

"I should have asked first, but I think I remember correctly." He commented as he pulled two plates that were keeping warm in the oven. "You like seafood, right?"

"Love it,"

"Then you'll enjoy this."

He placed a plate of clams, mussels, and linguine down in front of me. It smelled amazing. I caught the scent of garlic, basil, white wine, and the perfectly cooked seafood. Next he placed basket of warm garlic toasts on the table and a bottle of white wine.

"I have salad as well for after."

"What about dessert?"

"We'll discuss that in time." He winked at me and sat down not across from me, but beside me.

"This is all really nice, Edward. Not at all what I was expecting."

"You said some things last week that I've really been thinking about. You said you made your choice, and I realized now that I have to make mine."

"So is this your way of saying what your choice is?"

"It's my way of saying 'lets see how this feels'."

I nodded. I could live with that.

"And how far do you intend on taking this tonight?" I asked next. This was the topic I had wanted to leave for later, but I needed to know just how serious he was intending on being.

"As far as we need to." He responded, pouring me half a glass of wine.

I twirled some pasta around my fork with the spoon and pried a clam from its shell. I chewed, enjoying all of the subtle flavors of the dish before swallowing and taking a sip of my wine.

"Have you ever considered owning a food truck?" I asked, completely changing the topic.

Edward actually threw his head back as he laughed. "I guess you like it then, huh?"

"It's ridiculously good." I took another bite and another swallow of wine. "You probably could make a fortune. Where did you learn to cook?"

"After graduation when I was trying to find a steady job I had to find a way to support myself without wasting money on take out all the time. I had bills to pay, rent, loans…" He placed a piece of garlic bread on my plate and refilled my wine. "And in my downtown, which I had a lot of sometimes, I watched cooking shows. I enjoyed the personalities and I learned something. When I got my first big paycheck, I went out and splurged on all kinds of pots and pans, and tools, and knives. I really got into it."

"You should write a cookbook." I suggested.

"I've considered it, but I would need some help."

"Female help?"

"My mom," Edward admitted. "If I ever wanted to do it seriously, I need my mom's help."

It was one of only a few times I had heard Edward mention his parents. But in context right now it was sweet and it made me gaze at him with that longing expression. Edward blushed and bowed over his plate taking a huge bite.

After dinner he brought out small plates of Caesar salad for us with dressing he had made himself. I was thoroughly impressed with his cooking skills. I had never imagined this from him.

"So, dessert," He stated after the last dishes had been cleared. He had brought out Bailey's for after dinner, and I had been sipping mine enjoying the smooth taste. It had been a while since I had a cordial.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked, reaching to set my glass on the coffee table. We had moved out onto the couch in front of his real fireplace. I imagined it cost him a bit, but I was relishing in its warmth right now.

"Well, we could go out. Or we could…stay here." He inched his hand a little closer to mine where they lay between us.

I glanced briefly at the floor in front of the fireplace. Edward followed my eyes. "Only if you're comfortable, Bella."

I sat up and reached for my glass downing the rest of my drink. It warmed my throat and I closed my eyes savoring the last drop. Edward sat up beside me, his hand rubbing soft circles on my back. He must have taken my silence for nerves, and my gulping of alcohol as trying to build confidence.

I got up and grabbed the blanket from the coach. Edward followed me and we spread it out in front of the fireplace. "You're sure?"

I nodded. I wanted this. I had been dwelling on it for far too long. It had already happened once, so what was I so afraid of? The only difference is that this time I would remember it.

"I'll be right back." Edward disappeared down a hall, I assumed to his bedroom. My suspicions were confirmed when he came back and dropped a few condoms on the coffee table. He was trying to be relaxed about it, not assuming, not demanding. He looked up at me. "Are you still ok?"

"Will you stop?" I exclaimed with a laugh. "It's not like…" I stopped myself. Edward just smiled at me. He got it. Yet we still stood there staring at each other waiting for one of us to make the first move.

I kicked my shoes off. Edward did the same, and removed his socks as well. I padded across the blanket in my stockings toward him and took hold of the collar of his shirt and started to undo the buttons. I felt his hand travel up my back and into my hair, slowly removing the pins that kept it in place. I heard the soft 'clink' as they hit the coffee table.

His fingers skimmed my shoulder blades, dancing over the exposed skin at my neck, tangling in my now loose hair. "You smell incredible." He whispered.

I leaned my head into his chest. "So do you,"

Edward let out a breath in amusement. I felt his fingers move down my back again and begin to pull down the zipper on my dress. I let it fall to the floor around my feet and stepped out of it. I pushed Edward's shirt off his shoulders, chuckling when one of the cuffs got stuck on his wrist.

He held my waist, nuzzling and kissing my neck as I undid his belt and worked his pants down his legs. I couldn't help letting my hand swipe across the front of his boxers, loving the groan I got in response. He sucked on my neck gently and ran his tongue over the same spot. How did he know exactly what I loved?

I became a puddle in his arms as he lowered us to the blanket. He positioned himself between my knees and began rolling my stockings down until they were a gauzy pile at our feet. I had always loved wearing the individual stockings for each leg instead of joined hose. It made going to the bathroom much easier for one thing. Not to mention removal.

Edward groped for one of the condoms on the coffee table, his hand making a loud 'thud' as it landed on the glass. I reached down and gripped his ass through his boxers with hands, urging him closer. He moaned loudly and thrust into my hip triggering a verbal response of my own.

I sat up a little so he could unhook my bra and fling it away somewhere. After it was gone he propped himself up, one hand smoothing back my hair, the other clutching my right hand over my hand, twining and untwining our fingers.

I watched as his eyes gazed over my newly exposed skin and back up to my eyes. "As lovely as I remember."

"I wish I could."

"You will this time. I'll make sure."

"Pretty sure of yourself there, are you?"

Edward nodded comically. "More or less."

I giggled again and reached my hand into his hair and pulled his mouth to mine. He was rough but not harsh, twining our tongues together as we tasted each other. He cupped my left breast and ran his thumb over my nipple making it hard. I cursed and threw my head back breaking our kiss. Edward took the opportunity to kiss my exposed neck and traveled down until his lips were around my breast.

I wasn't expecting such lavished attention tonight, but I wasn't against it. I wrapped one leg around his hips and pushed my hand down between us to cup the front of his boxers. Edward groaned in frustration and propped up so he could shuck his boxers. I lifted my hips as well letting him now what I wanted. He removed my panties, dropping them somewhere beside us.

He felt glorious atop me completely naked. I knew from this moment on I was ruined for other men. No one else would ever feel the same as Edward. I heard the rip of the foil and felt Edward prop up again. I reached down to cover his hand as he slid the latex over his length and then back up again in an indulging stroke.

He took his hand away and let me feel for a few moments. He was incredibly hard, and larger than I had been expecting, but that wasn't a bad thing. I couldn't remember anything from that night, so this was my first exploration.

Edward kept his eyes on mine as he grabbed the backs of my thighs and pulled me down so I was flat on my back. He drew my legs around his body and slowly, deliberately, he sank down pushing into me all at once.

I let out a sound of pleasure and defiance at once. He filled me to the point where it hurt, but it wasn't unbearable. And damn it did it feel _good_. We were past the point of asking if everything was ok. We just started to move.

Since he had liked it before I reached down again and grabbed his ass, urging him deeper. Edward responded with sharper thrusts and fevered sounds. When I thought he could get any closer to me, he sat up bringing me with him. We parted briefly as he positioned me in his lap, but he lowered me slowly, filling me even more than he had before. I leaned into his frame, wrapping my arms around his neck.

His arms went around my waist, holding me steady as he thrust upward and I pushed down and forward against him. This was so much more than I anticipated and only solidified how I felt about him. The thought of possibly having to let this go just became even more problematic.

But I pushed those thoughts from my mind and focused on the moment in front of me. Edward twitched deep inside me, driving harder now toward his release. I whispered to him, encouraging him, and he pleaded back, begging me to come with him.

I wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer myself with the way he moved below and in me. I lifted my head from his shoulder and held his face pressing my lips hard against his. Edward grunted and thrust hard, releasing with a long drawn out moan against my lips. I felt my muscles clench around him as my own release overtook my body and I cried out his name in a whisper against his skin, clinging to him as though my life depended on him.

Edward lowered me to the blanket and withdrew slowly. I ached in all of the right places, whimpering as he pulled out. He chuckled as he removed the condom and knotted it. He got up for a moment to dispose of it and the air in the apartment chilled me after the heat we had just created.

He became with a dampened washcloth and began running the terry cloth over my skin first, and then his own. He grabbed another blanket from the couch and spread it over us as he lay back down beside me. I fixed the blanket so it covered everything that needed to be covered. Edward hitched it up to his hips.

We lay propped on our sides staring at each other. I reached over and slipped my hand below the blanket so I could touch him without the latex in between. Edward shut his eyes and let out a breathy sigh.

"Wait," he said, as I started to stroke him. I pulled my hand back and sat up for a moment to adjust the fire and add another log to it. He laid back down, sans blanket, and beckoned me to him with open arms.

I had him lay flat on his back while I straddled his hips. My hand immediately returned between his legs, stroking and squeezing. He shut his eyes again, his hands roaming my body blindly. I took his hand in my free one and guided it first to my breasts and then down. He caught on quickly and was soon stroking me as well.

We fell into an unusual rhythm, trading touches and kisses as we explored each other. I wanted to do so much more right now, but it was good to move slowly. My hips rocked against his as much as they could, desperately seeking friction. Edward rocked upwards beneath me, rubbing in his own way.

I was right on the cusp when I grabbed his hand and pinned it above his head. "You first," I panted, and sat back continuing to work him with my hand.

"Not fair," he half panted, half whispered.

"I could stop all together."

Edward shut his and reached for my waist, holding me steady above him. He twitched in my palm twice before he came all over my hand. I wiped him down with the wash cloth and then my own hand.

"Your turn." He said, rolling us over when he had the opportunity. He braced me on my back and reached down between my legs to continue his own stroking. I let out a long, loud moan I hadn't thought myself capable of and hoped Edward didn't think I sounded like a porn star. It took him only a minute before I was writhing mass beneath him, chanting his name like mantra.

After we cleaned up we made love twice more, moving slower each time, and touching throughout. There was no going back after tonight.

I loved him too much to ever say goodbye.

**A/N: I hope all of you are sated. I know I am ;) **


	9. Note - No Worries

**A/N: Hi all! **

**So I've come to an executive decision with this story. Because I started without an outline and I have been writing without an outline, I have come to an impassable block for the time being. I do not intend on giving up this story, but for now I need to table it until I come up with an outline that flows. **

**That being said, I have decided to move on to the sequel I had planned for "Lean On Me". I do have an outline for this story, mostly complete. I do not know how often I will manage to get chapters out. But this is the story I will be working on. It does have a working title, so when I initially publish it, the title that I have right now may or may not be sticking. **

**I'm sorry to be tabling ATYA, but for now I have to because I do not want the story to suffer from bad writing. I do not want to publish for the sake of getting a chapter out and then hating what I put out there later on. **

**I hope you all had a wonderful holiday (those who celebrated), and I wish you all a Happy New Year in advance in case I do not publish before next Tuesday evening.**

**RT**


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